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LINKY & DINKY in "A Christmas Eve Mystery" ©2004 Linky & Dinky Enterprises.   All Rights Reserved.  3,120 words

It was a dark and stormy night... no, that's not right.

How about: "Somewhere out in the night a dog was howling".

No, that's awful. I'll just tell it the way it happened,
without any embellishment. It's odd enough as is.

It was the Night before Christmas, and it was blizzardy,
almost a whiteout. The moon was as full and as bright as
I've ever seen it -- and from the highest window of the
skyscraper hotel where we staying (The St. Clair), I could
see the snow pouring down -- the roof must be a yard deep in
powder. Looking out over the city made me tired just
thinking about all the lights and what they were
illuminating.

We were in town to visit Aunt Purl, and since it is her
custom (holiday or not) to put herself to bed at 10:00 pm
sharp, we obliged. After all, it was she who saved all our
lives in The Shocking True Story of Linky & Dinky, but
that's a different tale.

Our story begins in the hallway, just outside our lovely and
luxurious hotel suite. We left Aunt Purl at her home to
sleep in peace, we'll rejoin her in the morning for
Christmas.

I'm not out in hall, the boys are. I'm ready for bed, too.
My name is Uncle Url, their names are Linky and Dinky, and
they are, in fact, as foolish acting (most times) as their
names imply. A game between them is about to start, and I'd
just as soon not know too much about it. (Truly, I'd rather
not know.)

But of course I was to hear all about it later.

Did I mention it was Christmas Eve?

The 30th floor was the highest they could go, so that's
where they started. It was after 2 o'clock in the morning,
the hotel was quiet and the wager was made. While I slept,
the rules of engagement were discussed, argued, amended and
finally solidified.

Linky & Dinky stood in the hall, waiting for the GO signal.

The 30th floor hallway of the St. Clair hotel was long and
narrow, the diminished lighting made it impossible to see
either end, had there been anything of special interest to
see on the ends. An ice machine, perhaps. A maid's cart
would be a particular fun find (lots of goodies on those).
People were surely sleeping or watching TV behind any number
of the long row of hotel doors. Running down the hall
banging on doors yelling "Candygram! Candygram!" was sure to
make heads pop out, but that was a gag for another day.

Linky & Dinky twittered in front of the elevators, waiting.
Every nerve on edge.

Suddenly, the elevator door slid open, and they darted
inside. Within seconds, Dinky had punched all 30 floor-stop
buttons (including one labeled "B") and cried out urgently:
"We have a green board! Dive! Dive! Dive!" The elevator door
began to close, Dinky ducked out, calling back to Linky
"I'll be waiting for you in the lobby, loser!"

And so the race was on. Linky was to descend all 30 floors
of the St. Clair hotel by elevator -- One. Floor. At. A.
Time. -- while Dinky ran, jumped, sailed and slid down 30
flights of concrete stairs. First man to the lobby wins!
Dinky would stop a few times to spit down the center chasm
of the stairway, but even with that necessary delay he was
confident of a win. And a big win it would be, for Dippin'
Dots ice cream was available to the public in a variety of
delicious flavors at the "24 Hour News And Sundries" Store
in the Lobby. They were wide open for business with no
waiting, and the poor loser (Linky) would be buying. Tis
better to have gambled over Dippin' Dots than never to have
gambled at all, Dinky knew.

Linky slid down the back wall of the Otis Elevator Car to
sit and wait. He could imagine Dinky being three floors down
already while the elevator had just started to move. He
suddenly didn't feel so good about his chances of beating
Dinky to the bottom.

By timing an interim trip between floors (one one-thousand,
two one-thousand...) he determined it took the elevator 30
seconds per stop. Multiply that by 30 floors... the trip to
the Lobby would require about fifteen minutes. Would it take
Dinky that long to throw himself down that many stairs? No,
probably not.

At the 25th floor, the process began to get monotonous. The
car thumped to a stop, the door whirred open, and Linky
glanced through the doorway and across the hall. Room 2500.
The next one would be 2400. This was taking too long. His
eyes scanned over the button controls, noting the top lights
were now dim, with 24 lighted buttons remaining. The "Close"
Button! He jumped up and punched it -- immediately the heavy
door began to drift back to the left. He could shave 10
seconds off per floor!

23. 22. 21. At each stop, he hammered the "Close" button,
making the door bounce back to shut. It was still irritating
and slow, but much faster than just waiting.

20. 19. 18. 17. It was taking forever. He considered getting
off and trying to catch the other elevator on the way down,
but that was too risky. The other car could be on any floor
of the building, and waiting for a down run might take even
longer. It was also within the realm of possibility that
Dinky had sabotaged it, taking a moment to push all it's
buttons, too.

So Linky acclimated himself to the idea of losing,
anticipating the taunting remarks Dinky would have for him
when the Lobby floor finally arrived.

Linky chuckled quietly to himself as the elevator skipped
the 13th floor -- he recalculated. Still four minutes to go.

At the 10th floor, a steward got on. He wore a Santa hat and
he carried a black garbage bag that was full and heavy --
apparently he was just back from a room service delivery.
Linky moved to back to the wall and looked down at the
carpet, embarrassed to be in an elevator with all those
buttons shining.

"Nice going, kid" the steward said. "We're gonna be in here
five or six minutes. Was it fun?"

"Four minutes, actually," Linky replied guiltfully. "Sorry
about that, we're kinda in the middle of a race."

The steward paused. He was young himself, early 20s, and
this was not his first time in a high-rise building. He
figured it out.

"The other guy is on the stairs?" he asked with a smile.

"You got it," Linky answered, "and we've got a bet to get to
the lobby first, but I think he's going to win."

"I've got a key. An emergency key," the steward said,
digging into his pocket for his chain. He entered the key
into the elevator's control panel and twisted to the right.
A little bulb lit up bright green. "We're now an express
elevator to the Lobby. You might win yet!"

"That's fantastic!" Linky beamed and moved to directly up to
the door as the car began to fall. "Thanks for doing that!"

The remaining 10 lights on the panel indicating floors of
the hotel winked out one by one as the car descended. A bell
dinged as each floor went by. Linky leaned against the door
staring at the floor. When it slid open he would slip out at
the first possible nanosecond.

The elevator finally hit bottom and the door moved aside.
Linky bolted out, ready for anything. Scanning up and down
the big hotel's main floor, he checked the Dippin' Dots
counter. No Dinky. The various sofas and chairs conveniently
strewn about the enormous lobby were all empty. No Dinky.

"Did you win?" the steward asked, heading toward the
kitchen.

"Maybe!" Linky said, "I don't see him anywhere... thanks
again!"

"No problem" the steward muttered and was gone.

Linky moved across the tile floor and looked around
intently. "Is it possible I actually beat him?" he asked
himself. Dinky was nowhere to be seen.

He spied the Men's Room across the way and went inside.
Empty. No Dinky.

"He's likely broke his neck," Linky thought, and jogged to
the door marked "STAIRS". Pushing open the heavy door, he
went up a few steps, strained his neck to look up the gap
between railings and called "Dinky!"

No response but an echo. He bounded up a few stairs and
called again. Nothing. Linky kept climbing and calling, His
irritation growing as fast as the pain in his legs. "If this
is some kind of joke to make me climb all these stairs, he's
going to really learn that paybacks are hell," Linky
muttered.

Up he continued to climb, past the 10th floor to the 11th.
He thought he heard a rustling noise one floor above, but
upon dashing up one more flight (summoning up all the panic
strength and breath he had left) there was nothing. Nothing!

The stairway was cold and drafty as Linky lay down on the
12th landing, panting. "Eighteen more flights to go!" he
whimpered. "Poor Dinky is hurt, probably with a dozen broken
bones." Linky clenched his teeth and stood. "I've got to
keep going" he ordered himself.

As he passed what was supposed to be the 13th floor (but
skipped over to be called the 14th due to the superstition
of tall buildings) Linky slapped his forehead, then turned
to leave the stairway and opened the door into the 14th
floor hallway. "Why don't I just ride the elevator up to the
top, then walk DOWN to find Dinky? Duh!"

The elevator gave him a ride quickly and Linky was soon back
on the 30th at the top of the stair well. Inside the
stair well, off to the left, a pool of water lay about a door
leading to the roof (he knew that because it read "TO ROOF.
KEEP OUT.") Snow? Had someone opened that door recently and
let snow fly in? Was it Dinky?

Without even thinking further about it, Linky yanked open
the door and was hit full blast by the frigid high winds.
His face was pelted with fast-moving snow, it stung! He
stumbled out on the roof, mindful to keep a hand on the door
so it wouldn't swing shut and lock behind him.

"Dinky! Dinky!" he screamed across the vast terrain. Lumps
of snow protruded from the surface everywhere, most likely
being rooftop machinery and vents and so forth now
completely covered in snow. Pipes and condensers and storage
bins and chimneys and piles of brick and long forgotten
ladders and wheelbarrows and construction scrap and
who-knew-what-all were indistinguishable from each other
because a thick solid blanket of powder had buried them all.

A horrific thought struck Linky, instantly making him panic:
"What if one of those lumps of snow was... Dinky?

It could easily be, because somebody had opened the door to
the roof recently, and Dinky was known to be in that very
spot only a half hour ago, and Dinky was known for stupid
idiotic thoughtless acts of instant gratification... but
would he let the door swing shut and lock behind him? Yes,
he would. Would he wander around the rooftop until he
finally froze to death and be buried in snow? Yes, he would.

"That's it then, Dinky's dead." Linky's heart fell, his
stomach tightened and twisted and hot tears drizzled down
and warmed his cheeks. Linky wasn't a solo act -- he
couldn't do it without Dinky. Dinky was the Yang to Linky's
Ying, the Bad to his Good. There cannot be an UP without a
DOWN or an IN without an OUT. Linky needed Dinky to be
stupid and foolish and distasteful so he could appear smart
and wise and gentlemanly by comparison.

"Linky!" just didn't pack 'em in like an Elvis or Cher. He
might as well pack it in without even trying.

"But I don't know anything for sure yet!" Linky shouted.
He's not dead until I find his scrawny body!"

Through the howling snow he spotted a short two-by-four
piece of lumber within kicking distance, and he used it to
block open the stairway door. Satisfied it would hold, he
commenced to move about the rooftop, brushing the snow away
from Dinky-sized mounds. He knew he had to hurry or he would
succumb to the same fate he feared Dinky did. Maybe Dinky
had stumbled over the edge -- that was 30 floors down! Don't
think about it. Keep searching the roof. He thought he saw
footprints once, but they were his own, he had doubled back.
He was starting to lose consciousness. Must...Get...Back...

Linky was only a few steps away from the warmth and safety
of the hotel's stair well when he watched the piece of wood
which was propping open the door start to wiggle and then
slip inside, instantly causing the door to click shut. Linky
blinked, "I did NOT just see that happen" he said. He
grabbed at the doorknob, it would not turn.

Trapped. On the roof during a snow storm. Already half
frozen to death, and in a few minutes, the other half would
freeze.

As they told me this much of the story, I realized how
awfully close they came to getting hurt (or worse), and I
vowed to reign them in. I had been asleep the whole time
this was going on -- how irresponsible of me! I would have
woke up to find Dinky missing and Linky an irregular shaped
cube of ice. He might not even have been found until Spring!
I shuddered at all the dangerous possibilities, and heard the
rest of their story...

Neither thumping on the door, kicking the door nor screaming
at the door made any difference, it was locked shut and it
wasn't going to open. Linky pulled himself into a tight ball
and tried to keep at least his face as warm as possible. The
snow on his skin stopped melting and began to gather. Within
just about a minute a thin coat covered his entire balled-up
body. Strangely, Linky was starting to feel warm, but that's
what happens as the body begins to freeze. The nerves are
nullified and the brain reads that as warmth. "This is not
so bad," Linky thought, but he didn't know he would be dead
within 90 seconds.

It was Santa who woke him up. "Ho ho ho" Claus boomed,
"Linky, you look like you're mighty cold. Stand up now, boy,
and we'll get you warmed up."

Linky opened an eye and blinked. A giant red blur stood over
him. Something smelled like sweaty horse. Something reached
down and grabbed him by the arm and suddenly he was
standing, facing Santa Claus. Off to the side he saw the
huge red sleigh and eight or so restless reindeer.

"Come on... I'm dreaming. Pinch me." Linky said.

"No time to waste, let's get you inside!" Santa Claus pulled
Linky closer and moved through the locked rooftop door into
the stair well. A bubble surrounded him, apparently shifting
time and space and physics to suit Santa's needs. Anything
inside that bubble, (in this case Linky) enjoyed the same
benefits. Locked doors were not a delay, neither were
extreme heights or great distances. Santa had the power.

Safe inside the top of the stair well, away from the
blistering cold and the burning winds, Santa helped Linky
down to the concrete floor. Linky's legs had given out.

"The one you search for is in the kitchen, and he needs your
help," Santa said. Linky heard that, astonished but thrilled
to learn that Dinky was still alive! Santa said so! He
watched as the bubble around Santa Claus glowed a bit
brighter, then fell through the floor, disappearing as if he
was never there. The stair well was quiet and still, but very
faintly Linky heard from several floors below "Ho Ho Ho
MERRY Christmas!" and he realized that Santa had to keep
going. (It was generally considered impossible to deliver
gaily wrapped packages to several billion people within a
single overnight period, but if you're inside that bubble?
Who knows exactly what the Claus family can do.)

Linky fell asleep. His body and brain were wiped out from
the emotional strain of learning Dinky was dead, then being
deathly frozen on the roof, thawed out, meeting Santa and
then learning Dinky was alive again.

But ten minutes later Linky was up and on a mission to save
Dinky. The elevator streaked downward 30 floors, Linky
poised to rush to the kitchen to save the day.

The kitchen was dark. Linky found the switch and threw it.
The bright silver glare and the glint from shiny pots
instantly flashed from all corners of the spotlessly clean
kitchen. "Dinky! Dinky are you in here?"

"Mnmnmnmum nmnmnmum nmnmnmum" the sound came from the
cooler! Linky bounded across the room and flung open the
door to the walk-in refrigerator. Dinky lay tussling with
the ropes that bound him, a giant red Santa hat stuffed into
his mouth kept him from screaming."

"Psth! psth" Dinky spit out the lint from the Santa hat, his
mouth now dry from it. "Water!" he cried. Linky quickly
brought him a glass.

While Linky used a knife to cut the rope binding Dinky's
hands behind his back, he shot out a million questions "What
happened you? Who did this? Where did you go? Were you on
the roof? Did you beat me to the lobby? Why weren't you
there? I saw Santa Claus, he got me off the roof before I
froze to death. He's real, I saw him, he talked to me, he
told me you were in the kitchen and needed help..."

"It wasn't Santa, you idiot, it was the steward!" Dinky
cried out "He's a thief! He's using his master key to break
into hotel rooms and steal presents! He was wearing a Santa
hat and carrying a big black bag. It was the waiter-guy, the
steward! When I discovered him on the stairs he punched me
out unconscious and put me in his big bag. The next thing I
knew I was tied up here in the cooler!"

Linky thought about this a minute. "I DID see the steward in
the elevator, he used his key to make the elevator go
directly to the lobby. He had a bag, and it looked heavy.
You COULD have been inside..."

"I WAS inside!" Dinky said, "and it's a miracle I wasn't
killed!"

"But I was on the roof and I saw the reindeer and the sleigh
and Santa moved through the locked door in a bubble..."

"Moved through a locked door, huh? Maybe using his master
key?"

"No! I was nearly frozen to death and he appeared and..."

"You were dreaming. You were frozen to death. You were
hallucinating!"

"No I wasn't!"

"Were too!"

"Not!"

And so that's how they both told me their stories. While it
mostly seems to make sense, parts don't. Was Santa real?
...or was Linky dreaming? Was Linky trapped on the roof
accidentally or on purpose? Of course they ran up to the
roof to check for reindeer hoofprints, but had they existed
the snow had long since blown over them.

But how did Linky know Dinky was trapped in the kitchen?
It's a Christmas mystery we'll probably never have the
answer to, but it's a story that will be retold year after
year until it's such a huge epic none of it will be
believable.

But that's the best kind of mystery, especially at Christmas
time.

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