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Entertainment and Celeb Stuff
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CELEBS as REGULAR SLOBS is so hot right now.
Molding famous faces onto
regular people's heads.
(pick your fave from the list on right)

AUTHENTIC: BRITNEY's STAGE MICROPHONE
and only her microphone.

WHILE YOU WATCHED the new INDIANA JONES,
did you catch any of the
44 blunderous mistakes Spielberg made?

But errors and all, the INDIANA JONES
series has some interesting facts...

STAR TREK's "MEMORY ALPHA" Wiki
For example, did you know that despite
the Federation's control of the the
Chin'toka system between the First and
Second Battles of Chin'toka, there were
still constant skirmishes in the star
system on the planet AR-558 with the Dominion?
(I didn't think so!)

HI-LARIOUSNESS at BILL O'REILLY's EXPENSE
It's the Bill O'Reilly hissy-fit tape,
this time re-humored into a rap video.
And it's fantastic (warning, Bill O'Reilly
has a bad potty mouth).

YOUR FAVE ON-AIR TV PERSONALITIES
throwing hissy fits, all caught
on tape (wow -- watch the language!)

First it was "I'M BOFFING MATT DAMON",
which led to "I'M BOFFING BEN AFLECK"
and now leads to Hillary singing
"I'M BOFFING OBAMA",
in which "Boffing" = "*&*(#^#!"

CELEBS DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT THEY WANT...
And none of them want to be MARIONETTES

ORIFICALLY EXPELLED GAS
is as a symphony in it's diversity,
such a flower in it's aroma,
with inspiriation it makes the soul soar.

DO SPIRALS GIVE YOU VERTIGO?

"50 GREATEST SKETCH COMEDY ROUTINES"
of all time, and every one of them
is available here, probably in a gross
violation of copyright laws.

THE MOST POPULAR CELEB GOSSIP SITE
isn't anything like high school (cough).

CELEBS FAVE FOUL WORD
A custfest of fun!
(warning: language, duh)

WHERE WOULD THEY BE NOW,
if they weren't celebs already?

OR WAIT A MINUTE, what if we just
screwed with their faces
a different way?

OH MY GOD! THERE'S BEEN A CELEBRITY DEATH!
When Richard Simmons crosses over to the
otherside, you can be the first person to try
to contact him.

SOME CELEBRITIES are MADE of MONEY.
Literally. As we can see when
it's pointed out so clearly.
(keep scrolling)

IF THE #7 BIKINI PIC is JESSICA ALBA,
then who the heck can be #1?
Oh yeah...

COMEDY RETIREMENT EULOGY for BILL GATES
What's really funny is to see how some
VERY famous people try, but just can't act.

"MOST SHOCKING" CELEB PIX of 2007
but it's more like a
"Best of Breasts" 2007 Paparazzi review.

STAR TREK BLOOPERS!
They're funny and I like them because
I'm a Star Trek fan and wouldn't you
like to be a Star Trek fan too?

THE HOLLYWOOD CELEB SCENE
like it was high school.
With pictures. And U R THER!
Some seriously deep talk about TV:

STOP SYLVIA BROWN
She's a truth whore, a dangerous fraud, and
her scam artistry is now branching into
over-priced "spirit-filled jewelry".
She must be stopped to protect the naive.

THE NEW STAR TREK CAST
JJ Abram's new Trek flick is about
young Kirk/Spock at Starfleet Academy.
I C A N N O T W A I T for this movie!

PERFECTING ANN COULTER
Ann Coulter is that blond Republican
annoyance who said Christianity "perfects"
Jews. Here, she gets some suggestions...

FRED THOMPSON FEEDS a KID MOMMY'S DIAPHRAGM
Presidential candidate Fred Thompson is on FoxNews in an interview with his three year-old granddaughter on his lap. The kid had gone into mommy's purse and pulled out her diaphram and was chewing it the whole time they are interviewing Thompson on TV.

"MISS AMERICAN DREAM SINCE I WAS 17"
Britney's newest lyrics scream to be
psychoanalyzed.

A PhD in POP CULTURE SCIENCE states...
there's 22 reasons Britney can't make
a comeback, even though we need only one.

NEED CELEBRITY BIO-MATTER for your DNA PROJECT?
The source of this material?
Personal assistants (allegedly).

WHAT IF CELEBS WEREN't?
Things could have gone the other way
for these famouse people. View their
lives had their big breaks never happened.

CELEB STALKING TOOLS
Wanna stalk Jennifer Anniston? Use "A"
Wanna stalk Lindsay Lohan? Use "L"
Wanna stalk Tina Fey? Use "F"

BRITNEY GOES DOWN TO UNDERWEAR
and jumps into the sea for the photogs.
(click on "SKIP THIS AD")

FAKE STEVE JOBS
Who is writing as Steve... and how
does he know so much inside poop?
(The internet loves a mystery!)

SINCE ANNA KOURNIKOVA is NOW AN OLD HAG,
who's in the pipeline coming up to
replace her?

CELEBRITY MEGA-SOUNDBOARD and GAG TOOLS
Wow, everything a Morning DJ or a
15 year-old boy would want.

MAYBE YOU CAN'T AFFORD PARIS HILTON'S
THROWN OUT DOG FOOD CAN,
but you can bid on Britney's discarded
Diet Pepsi cup -- with straw!

THE SOPRANOS FINAL EPISODE DECRYPTED
A cinematologist reveals it was a Catholic Mass
for Tony (the Last Rites). The onion rings
were communion wafers. Everybody wore black.
The bell rang 6 times. The imagery goes
on and on and on and on. Don't stop.

DIRT on PARIS MAKES PARIS DIRTY
After Paris was so stupid she ignored the
bills on her U-Lock-it-U-Keep-The-Key
storage for over a year, the owner
auctioned off the contents. Here are the
contents, with the naughty parts blurred out.

DAVID HASSELHOFF VIOLATES the MORALS CLAUSE
in his contract, on a bathroom floor.
Let he among us who hasn't been-there-and-
puked-that buy the next round.

50 IMPORTANT, LITTLE-KNOWN CELEBRITY FACTS
- Beyonce is allergic to the perfume she endorses.
- Christina Aguilera doesn't speak Spanish, even
though she has released several Spanish albums.
- Tom Cruise still does the underwear dance.

BID ON CELEBRITY THROW-AWAYS
100s of famous folk have shed their
clothing and other junk around their
mansions, so the public can auction
them up. For charity, of course.

PARIS HILTON AUTOPSY teaches vulnerable
high school children the dangers of
drinking and driving. What BETTER way?

WHO'S FAMOUSer?
Note to self: Get Uncle Url to make Linky
create a web page like this for our cool links.

ARE THESE PEOPLE GAY BECAUSE THEY'RE FAMOUS?
or are they famous because they're gay?

COOL SNAPS
Crazy photog-to-the-stars has a zippy
slide-show of celebs playing along with his
camera goofiness. A great ride.

SO, YOU've SAVED UP A MILLION DOLLARS...
Good for you! What to do with it all?
Here's a good investment...

BRITNEY NEEDED MORE ATTENTION
SO NOW SHE'S BALD
And hardworking journalists are there

Philosophy Question Of The Day:
"IS IT PRURIENT IF THEY'RE FAT?"
Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) reveals
he likes 'em plump and naked.

SCOOP ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT
Fresh tasty gossip, kodak'd embarrassments
and starlets doing the Jessica Alba move for
the paparazzi as often as they can.

THEY CENSORED THIS SCENE FROM BORAT
because it was embarrassing to the
Bush Administration (what isn't?).
So naturally, it gets more attention
on the internet!

SALE OF BRITNEY SPEAR'S "HONEYMOON" VIDEOTAPE
SORELY NEEDED TO RESCUE USA's SAGGING ECONOMY.
As you know, K-Fed is shopping his copy of the
videotaped honeymoon night with Britney.
Britney has announced she may freely give her copy
of the tape to "the internet" so K-Fed can't make
a dime off it's sale. In either event, this
certainly proves that the wishes of millions of
men CAN come true. These are exciting times!

NOW I KNOW!
Jessica Alba isn't for me... but
Elisha Culbert is, and that's
OK with me! Find your perfect match...

"CELEBRITIES" rescrambles to "bi secret lie"
"JENNIFER ANISTON" = "fine in torn jeans"
"DENNIS RODMAN" = "odd in manners"
100s more...

ALBUM COVER FLESH NOW and THROUGH the AGES
If an artists wants to express his
musical musings as t*ts, I don't see
anything wrong with that (racy). Two More

LIKE 'EM SKINNY?
Take Tyra, Angelina, Lindsey, Jessica,
all of 'em -- give them no food.
I think it would look a little
something like this...

BRITNEY's SEVEN SINS
The esteemed Int'l Assoc. of Clinical
Psychologists have completed a four-year
study of the sociological impact of Britney
Spears upon society. Their report...

WHO's WATCHING HOLLYWOOD STARLETS
24/7 for WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS?
Dean is. Rated Perv/giggly

CELEBRITY YEARBOOK PICTURES
Snicker gaily at how typically
goofy today's hot people
looked in high school.

BRITNEY PHOTOSHOP'D (before/after)
Left: Real Britney (yuck)
Right: Fake Britney (yum)
They even used Photoshop to tilt her
head. I'm starting to think that some
things I see in the media aren't true.

IT'S WIKIPEDIA for famous people
Maybe YOU're in here, everybody
else is, even my hero...

IN TOP NEWS, I'm surprised to find that this
photo of Lindsay Lohan originally had a dude in it:

OTHER PIX BRIT NIXED
These naked preggo pix weren't good enough
for Britney. She doesn't seem to realize we
don't want to see her naked anymore, like we
used to (and my God how we used to!)

OH MY GOD! THERE'S BEEN A CELEBRITY DEATH!
When Richard Simmons crosses over to the
otherside, you can be the first person to try
to contact him.

TRAVOLTA & JLo = J.R. EWING & SUE ELLEN
...and Paris Hilton *was* to play the spoiled
socialite Lucy Ewing in the big screen
version of TV's Dallas, which would have
been perfect since she is Lucy Ewing, but she can't act.

HOW GREAT THOU ART
The cult of celebrity, in career-tracking
biography form. So we never forget the
fascinating facts of the likes of Kato Kaelen.

FEM CELEB "FIND THE DIFFERENCES" GAME!
Choose your crush, then scrutinize every
one of her pixels for what doesn't match,
then click on her ever-so-gently.

ON THE HUNT FOR CELEBRITIES
Junior Paparazzi lay in wait for the stars,
just for chance to bask in their glow for 1/64th of
a second at F-stop 2.4. Once you have the photo,
you can play-pretend ya'll are great friends!

SMALL MINDS TALK ABOUT PEOPLE...
Mediocre minds talk about events...
Great minds talk about ideas...
but everybody talks about celebrities.

THE HOTTEST IN FEM CELEB PICTURES, I MEAN IT!
Tons of candids, caught and even posed
nood pix -- don't miss Celebrity Time
Travel Pix, too! (set aside at least 20
minutes for this one! GROWNUPS ONLY)

KILLER PAPARAZZI SHOTS
Only the sleaziest celeb candid pix are
published in The Star, after that they go here.
It's in some weird language, but just click
on a famous name, then that name again when
it appears red in the top left

75 BANDS IN THE PICTURE
They give you one example: a basket containing
stem roses and shotguns... "Guns and Roses", get
it? How about the number "20" shaped out of
matchboxes?... mmm, I found "Smashing Pumpkins"
How fun!

SPOCK SINGS KARAOKE "MY PEROGATIVE"
I love Star Trek, so that explains this one.

REMEMBER MARILYN singing HAPPY B'DAY to JFK?
This is not that. This is Paris Hilton,
sluttied up for the occasion, singing
Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner, who is
many things, but not JFK. (scroll a bit)

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO OWN what ELVIS OWNED?
Underwear! A digital watch! Polaroids!

NOT ONLY DOES IT WORK, IT WORKS GREAT!
Celeb face recognition. Upload your face
photo (or not, it will find your face)
and get a slideshow of celebrities that
resemble you!

ABOUT THE BRITNEY BIRTHING STATUE
I've seen pictures of this stupid statue from
every conceivable angle EXCEPT the money shot
(apparently you have to actually pay to visit the
exhibit to see that)

HOW CAN GIRLS in BIKINIs MAKE $$$ ON TV?
Easy, just call it "America's Top Model" and
sell product placement, of course!
How much would Schick Razors pay for
their logo on a nether region? Lots.

ALICIA SILVERSTONE on ISDN
Tinsel Town's Cupid Cutie discusses
her fave router configurations.

LINDSAY LOHAN WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
ON PURPOSE, PROBABLY
She had to know this would happen when
she put the dress on. So to her,
I have only one thing to say: "Thanks!"
(warning: contains one boob)

BEFORE/AFTER GLAM PIX ARE A HOOT!
How greatly self-satisfying to see how
mega-airbrushed these celeb glamour shots
are. Over 50 famous people are de-uglied.
(Click on PORTFOLIO, then AGREE, then BEFORE/AFTER.)

THINK ABOUT ANGELINA JOLIE... at 18 years old
Her first modeling photo shoot.
And only Dinky brings it to you...

ATHLETES, TOP 32 HOTTEST WIVES
Competition amoung athletes is now off
the field, and on to the glamour pages.
Who has the prettiest wife/girlfriend?

I SAY "YES!"
With a lot of hard work, low fat, high fiber,
Britney CAN come back from this.

L&D's ABSOLUTE FAVORITE XMAS GAG
(warning: sound/theme)
Christina Aguilera's racy new Christmas album!
Includes sensuous remakes of such classics as...
"I'll be prone for Christmas"
"My first Hotel"
"I Came Upon a Midnight Clear"
(I let the boys run this satire every year because
it's so... uh, humorous. Just keep it away from
your younger kids. -- Uncle Url)

WHAT'S GOSSIPY and HAS LOTS and LOTS of
CELEBRITY RUMORS and CANDID PAPARAZZI PICTURES?
Trent's Big Picture Blog.

KATE MOSS AT WORK (nudity)
A high fashion photo shoot for Calvin Klein's
new line of shirtless outfits called:
"Jeans are all you need".

"WOLF BLITZER" IS HIS REAL NAME
But other celebs changed theirs -- Natalie,
Englebert, Pink, Axl, Bono, it just seems wrong.
Elvis never changed the name his mama gave him!

WHY are R-RATED MOVIES so POPULAR?
Starlet nudity, and that's the fact, Jack.
Natalie, Angelina, Elizabeth, Kate, Jamie, Elisha,
Selma, Dominque, Meg, Justine, Holly, they're all
here.... the top 10 theater movie nude scenes for
each of the last six years (that's 60 scenes in total.)
CONTAINS NUDITY: 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2005

CAPTAIN's LOG, STAR DATE 5832.4, supplemental
"Lt. Sulu and I are adrift in a shuttlecraft,
disabled and out of communications range.
Although our situation is grim, I have a
creepy feeling that Sulu's hot for me."

STAR TREK OUTTAKES!
Capt. Kirk, Spock and the gang whoop it
up while the camera rolls. It's amazing
to watch these iconic characters joshing
like normal people. Click around for
other cool retro-TV clips. But how can
cartoon characters have outtakes?

DREAMS CAN COME TRUE
Did you hear? Britney and Kevin made a videotape
of their wild lovemaking! I'm on the case -- The
nanosecond this tape (or pix from it) gets on the
internet, I'll bring it you. I have no other priorities.

KATE MOSS, a GLOBAL TREASURE
She's dedicated her young life to displaying the
genius of the fashion elite. Let's honor her work
by dwelling on it respectfully for 5.2 seconds.

SATELLITE SNOOPING on CELEBS
Since Jessica Alba's restraining order
only keeps me 500 ft. away from her, she can't
report me for leering from the sky!
(I'm just watching, loving, making sure she's happy...)

OH MA GOODNESS GRACIOUS, DAHLIN'!
Jessica Simpson sure does get around...
from astronaut training to addressing
the White House Press Corp, she's an
unstoppable force. To watch. Without end.

MASSIVE CELEB GOSSIP CHART
It's not updated recently, but that's OK.
Celebs don't change their spots very often.
(Tip: "Friend of Dorothy" means "Gay")

8x10 FEM GLOSSIES To Gaze Upon Adoringly
Find your flame, pick the pose, print out
her 8x10 poster on your color printer.

FAMED DRUNK, TARA REID, has a new drinking game
Try to drink Tara under the table, where she'll
accidentally flash something alcowhorishly. We're
just grateful Tara is sharing her looks with us
before she loses them. (alcowhorishly?)

EmBaRrAsSiNg THE STARS of HOLLYWOOD and MUSIC...
These famous, wealthy and LUCKY people were formerly
CHILDREN (some still are!). A few look like miniature
versions of their adultness (Anna Kournikova), some
looked like psychopaths (Tom Cruise).

Cross-reference the above celeb kid pix with...
8x10 GLOSSY CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS

FAMOUS PEOPLE used to be YOUNG,
and they used to appear on the Mike Douglas
talk show -- clips were chosen to embarrass!

WHAT'S GOSSIPY and HAS LOTS and LOTS
OF CELEBRITY RUMORS and CANDID PICTURES?
Trent's Big Blog.

DR. 90210 EVALs LINDSAY LOHAN's BODY CHANGES
This was more than just salads and grilled chicken.

CELEB STALKING TOOLS
Wanna stalk Jennifer Anniston? Use "A"
Wanna stalk Lindsay Lohan? Use "L"
Wanna stalk Tina Fey? Use "F"

TOP 100 COMEDY ALBUMS of ALL TIME
There were 4 of these that I didn't already
have -- and thanks to eBay, now I've got them.

PARIS HILTON ADVERTISING A HAMBURGER
She's either crazy, or crazy like a fox,
or just a fox.

NEED BURT REYNOLD's SKIN CELLS?
Feed your basement DNA project with celebrity
bio-matter, for sale, in abundance, on the
internet. The source of this material?
Personal assistants (allegedly).

I COULD CALL HER the
MOST BEAUTIFUL BRUNETTE on the PLANET,
but that would be too obvious.

ELVIS ARON PRESLEY JR.
The King had a Prince, out of wedlock, in 1961,
and blah blah blah his natural singing voice
is a dead ringer for Dad. Watch the video!

PARIS HILTON's FAUX SIDEKICK.
Her messages, her pictures, her movies,
her address book. Unbelievably elaborate,
a crack team of satirists created this
Hi-larious mockery in just a week.

THE OSCARS MADE ME CURIOUS...
Is there any resource, be it database or online
searchable index, that would allow a researcher to
accurately determine celebrity bra sizes?

BRAD PITT, WE FEEL YOUR PAIN
His was one of the all time great love stories,
help him get over it.

The 50 SNAZZIEST PHOTOS PLAYBOY is
PROUDEST MOST OF
Not centerfolds, but those other pictures.
Artsy smartsy. Mostly models, some celebs.
But all are HOT... and COOL.

Paris Hilton: "Look at me! LOOK AT ME!"
Paris Hilton heard that Americans put their
celebrities on a pedestal, so she stripped
down and struck a pose (this must make
perfect sense in Paris-think). It's PG-13.

GIVE US DIRTY LAUNDRY
Forget the Press Releases, I'm talking about
the filthy underbelly of celebrity life that
only the paparazzi see - We love to cut them
down to size...

THE FOIBLES OF THE FAMOUS
Celebrity is an attack upon privacy, as these
well-known humans were embarrassed to find out!

LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of PARIS HILTON...
doing the one thing she does best (I'm talking
about posing for pictures. Jeesh, some people
have their minds in the gutter).
it's enormous, let it load

THE PRESIDENTIAL FAMILY DOG, BARNEY
He's got his own White House Staff to keep
a daily photo blog. Not only that, a paid
comedy writer creates funny captions of
Barney's Photo-Antics.

DO WE LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE HOT and FAMOUS?
Or are they hot and famous because we love them?

LET'S PLAY DRESS-UP!
Choose from a long list of celebs and an
extensive wardrobe of cool duds, make
a paperdoll to die for!

BRITNEY IS LOSING IT
She's nuts, and these pix prove it
Britney knows: THE JOURNEY IS THE REWARD

BALD BEAUTIES IMAGED
Click the letters, find your fave,
imagine her without hair.

HAS-BEENS
Track the "celebrities" you find most annoying
as they work their way down the Glamour Ladder.

WE LOVE PARIS HILTON -- but she's hurt
The rat bastard who did this to her should
do 5 to 10 in San Quentin, that'll teach him
the true meaning of "Backstreet Boy".

EVERYBODY SHOULD SEE GRACELAND BEFORE THEY DIE
And what better time than during Elvis Week?

HOW WILL TODAY's CELEBRITIES BE REMEMBERED?
As huge Granite Statues and Busts, of course.

SECRET CELEBRITY BODY ENHANCEMENTS
They do it for us. Scroll the list for
photographic evidence.

JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM... the FABULOUS Facts!
IMBD.com is the King of Movie info on the internet,
now they have hard-hitting investigative journalism
to report on Celebrities, too! Where's the Larry King Depends-Diapers-found-in-his-garbage story?

8x10 GLOSSY CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS
Getting arrested is almost a badge of honor
nowadays for these fabulous people.

TOP KNOTCH CELEB OOPS VIDEOS
The Paparazzi catch everything! -- and since the
latest lady fashions are so loose and flowing, you can
imagine all the inadvertent boobie flashing going on.
(See also the GENERAL and TV categories for more)

YOU THINK YOU KNOW DICK, but YOU HAVE NO IDEA
People named Dick have changed the face of
humanity forever. Let's honor them

CELEBRITY HANGMAN! (Don't let Buffy die!)
Pick your glamorous victim and start guessing.
Remember, the most commonly used letters in the
English language are, in this order: E T O A R I S H

STAR TREK TIME CAPSULE
Fascinating! Live camera interviews with William
Shatner and Leonard Nimory in 1966, BEFORE
Star Trek The Original Series ever aired.

54 CELEBS DE-TOUCHED
Take away the airbrushing, and here's what you
get. These pictures will do WONDERS for your
self image. Depp never looked so dugly.

ROADIES have the MOST FUN BACKSTAGE
Roadies travel with musicians all the time.
Imagine the stories Roadies tell and the pictures
Roadies show... here's where they show it and tell it!

DO YOU LOOK LIKE BRITNEY?
These chicks think they do. 100s of
celebs have clones walking around.

CELEB DIRTY DISHES
The hot backstage gossip of your fave celebs!
This huge list doesn't kiss butt or leave anybody out.

ENORMOUS CLOSE-UPS OF JESSICA SIMPSON
The only time you could ever be this close to her
is immediately before they wrestle you to the ground.
Jessica, I just wanted to...OOOF! OW! HEY LET ME UP!

BRITNEY the IMAGE, and the IMAGE of BRITNEY
BritneyImages has been coming for months, and
it finally opened! -- 1000s of high quality
Britney scans; I'm still finding new material
and I thought I had seen every pixel she ever
graced. News, too. Highly rated!

UPSTAIRS at GRACELAND! Elvis' Secret Sanctuary!
Never Before Seen hidden camera photos
of the hallowed locked-tight rooms
UPSTAIRS at GRACELAND: Elvis' bedroom,
office and the bathroom floor where he
turned blue and died.

THE PRESLEY COMMISSION researched Elvis' death!
Priscilla PAID FOR a Warren-like Report commissioned in
1992 to investigate Elvis' so-called death and publish
the result: "The Presley Commission is continuing to
monitor matters pertaining to Elvis' disappearance in
1977, and is active in maintaining intelligence related
to the entertainer's whereabouts, as well as his
intentions for future public contact, if desired."
E.L.V.I.S. = L.I.V.E.S! He is alive and I'm forgiven!

The ELVIS PRESLEY JUMPSUIT DATABASE
Finally! A pictorial index of all the
costumes Elvis wore in concert.
Thank you! Thank you for this!

HOWARD DEAN COMEDY RE-MIXeS
By this time next year it'll be "Howard who?"
But right now, Howard Dean is the most
impersonated speaker on the Democratic trail.

OLSEN TWIN FAVE MATCHER
Does Mary-Kate catch your fancy, or is Ashley
your sweetie? Use science to find out. I'm just
afraid some idiot putz from Louisiana will get
both of them.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
This lucky dumb putz pulled off the greatest
sexual coupe ever. He married Britney.
For five minutes, but that's all I would need.

JACKO, were he not WHACKO:
This is what a forensic artist says MJ
would look like had he aged like a normal person.

MARILYN MANSON was an ADORABLE BABY! (so what happened?)
See Rock Star Baby pictures, a whole bunch of them.
This site is written in some weird foreign language,
but the Alphabet Index works as expected.

HACKERS HIT MICHAEL JACK(your)SON
It's his public web statement of innocence
RE-SCRIPTED to reveal the truth. All believe
priests did it, why not a reclusive weirdo?

AVRIL LAVIGNE GETTING FRISKY
This is how Paris Hilton started, just goofing
around, but be careful, Avril, because if you get
carried away, you'll be an international sexsation
before you know it.

PARIS HILTON VIDEO -- THE GAME!
Stop the tape from getting into the public's hands

ALICIA SILVERSTONE on ISDN
Tinsel Town's Cupid Cutie discusses
her fave router configurations.

JUMPING THE SHARK on TV
They say every TV show follows an arc. At the very
peak something totally stupid is allowed to air
(presumably because the writers couldn't come up
with any better). After that point, it's a quick
ride to cancellation. Hipsters call it "Jumping
the Shark".

CARMEN ELECTRA'S VIDEO OF HARLOTRY
Gals, learn from the Master Ho
how to move more sluttily.

THE OFFICIAL JENNIFER LOPEZ PHILTRUM PAGE
The glorious, lustful beauty of J.Lo's
spectacular philtrum is fodder for men's
fantasies around the world. Worship it!

WHO'S GOT the BIGGEST COLLECTION of CELEBS W/O MAKEUP?
Dean's got it, that's who.

SEE CELEB GHOSTS RIGHT NOW!
This is cool -- follow the simple instructions,
then look out into the distance. Ghostly!

IT'S ALL ON THE COVER
Esquire magazine has fantastic cover photos.
I never read the thing, but this cover shot
collection was great to flip through.

CELEBRITY ATHIESTS
Here's a LOOONG list of Celebrities and
their statements about how they won't
be signing on for the "got God?" ad campaign.
George Clooney, Bill Gates, Carrie Fisher,
Janeane Garofalo, 100's more -- They'll change
their minds when they start BURNING IN HELL!

MOM! SOME CELEBRITY IS ON THE PHONE!
Washed-up Hollywood Celebrities will make a short
call wishing you or a loved one Happy B'day or any
other sentiment. What luck! "Q" from Star Trek The
Next Generation is one of the choices!

PEOPLE SAY I LOOK LIKE TROUBLE
Lots of people look celebrities, and
generally they're proud of it. So they
send in their photos!

CELEB DIRTY DISHES
Get the backstage gossip of your fave celebs,
this huge list doesn't leave out anybody.

MUGSHOTS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS
They work hard, and they play hard, and they
get arrested ALL the time. (Don't stray off
this page, or you might go to hell.)

SKIN DISEASES OF THE STARS!
A full dermatological listing of unsightly
skin conditions that plague famous people.
With delicious photos, of course!

BRITNEY TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES FOR MONEY
But it's for charity, so it's OK, right? The
famous outfits she drenched in sweat are now
auctioned off at outrageous prices, and only
middle-aged pervs can afford to buy them.

LIGHTS... CAMERA... SCRIPTS!
The shooting scripts of 1000s of Hollywood's
finest are freely available to give a quick read.
Need a script for this summer's neighborhood play?
Try "Clueless" or "Back to the Future" or even
"A Clockwork Orange" (that's a real crowd-pleaser).
Another Huge List!

THE INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE now owns it
Where was all this data prior to the internet?
Excrutiating detail on every movie ever made,
hot-linked and cross-referenced like a mofo.

DESILU PRODUCTIONS
Lucy still has fans, according to the overnight
ratings, and they ain't letting go. Unfortunately,
all that's left of Lucy is the same as all that's
left of Elvis: past performances and merchandise.

CELEBRITIES SHOOTIN' BIRDS
But they aren't flipping the finger to US, are they?

TV/MOVIE CHARACTER ICONS
Need a Colonel Klink pic? How about Fred Mertz?
SpongeBob? Fonzie? Tom Green? They're all here.

ENOUGH of WAR and INTERNATIONAL INTRIQUE
What's new on the Celebrity Gossip front?
Tell me where the stars have been shopping recently!

THE PREVIEWS are often BETTER THAN THE MOVIES
Apple Computer keeps the world's best movie
trailer database. NEAT ADVANTAGE: use your left
and right arrowkeys to slo-mo the fleeting hot parts!

CELEBRITIES WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL, TOO
...and their teen photos are just as funny
as yours and mine.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA
This very tricky quizzer makes you try to guess
which celebrity is disguised by distortion.
I couldn't get any of them, but had lots of
fun trying!

ARE U INTERESTED IN HOWARD STERN'S DAILY BIORHYTHM?
Me neither. But your Fave Celebrity is certainly
in this long list, so you can check on his/her daily
Biorhythm, Runes, I Ching, Stichomancy, Numerology,
and Tarot.
Oh no, Tom Brokaw is emotionally fragile today

TOP 100 FAMOUS FEM TATTOOS
Yes, Gwyneth, Britney, Tiffany Amber, 100s more,
all their exotic, private tattoos are here.

EXTRA! EXTRA! GET YOUR MICHAEL JACKSON NEWS!
All the real-time updated news of the comings,
goings and quotes of the Gloved One. Get a dose
of Michael Jackson whenever you need it

FAMOUS PEOPLE ANSWER: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Martin Luther King, Jr: "I have a dream where
chickens can freely cross the road in peace
without their motives being called into question."
Is a chicken's reasoning knowable?

FAMOUS THUMBS
Bid on inked thumbprints of celebrities.
Cherish the messy smudges forever.

LOTS of CELEBRITY SOUND BOARDS!
These things are getting bigger and better all the
time! Boards for Howard Stern, Al Pacino, Ozzy,
SOPRANOS, Adam Sandler, on and on. Where's STAR TREK?

STRANGERS HOLDING PLACARDS
Another odd collection of strangers coming together
from all over the world to bring meaningless
amusement to our web-surfing lives.

HOAX PHOTO TESTS PROVE HOW GULLIBLE WE ARE!
Can you tell if these photos are real, or
fabricated? I missed two of them, and I thought my
Gag-dar was super focused. See if you fall under the hoax.
The Complete Gallery of Hoax'd Pix

ERECT YOUR OWN KALEIDOSCOPE!
Drag the color shapes up to the left box,
see how it "kaleids" on the right side!

WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE
This little diddy is enjoyable and hopeful,
yet haunts like a bad memory.

NATALIE PORTMAN MEGA SITE
The new chick in the new Star Wars movies is lighting up
sabers all over the world.

FEELING PRANKSTERISH? THE ONLINE GUIDE TO COMPUTER PRANKS
Drive your company's computer guy crazy, and probably get yourself written up for secretly installing these zany computer pranks for Windows, but what fun! Besides software trickery, they've got lots of other non-policy-breaking pranks you can play with the computers. Too bad Linky & I use Macintosh, or it would have been a gala time around our house...

ALL THE HEADLINES THAT ARE FIT TO SKEWER
Witness the serious news stories of the day lampooned out of existence! The Ironic Times mocks the online newspapers like I mock healthy low-fat diets. What do you think Leno reads every day?

AND IF YOU LIKE NEWSMOCKERY, YOU'LL LOVE THIS
WitWorld Newsletter Newsmockery with an international flavor by our friend Paul Vincent.

PUZZLEMAKER PASTIMES, GENERATE YOUR OWN THEME PUZZLES
Dinky and I host quite a few children's Christmas parties at our Clubhouse every year (to burn off a few hours of our community service sentence) and we're always trying to come up with fun activities for the kids to do during these festive visits. PuzzleMaker.com makes it easy. One idea: we plug in all the kids' names and create Word Search Puzzles, Criss-Cross Puzzles, Cryptograms, etc., and it keeps the little monsters out of our hair while why we get blitzed on spiked punch.

THE EXTREME ANT CAM
Teeming crawling spindly icky ants viewed LIVE as they service the Queen ant and shift their eggs from one place to another and gnaw on unidentifiable food nodules. It's bug-licious viewing!

THE MAGIC OF THE HOLIDAYS, literally
With all the Christmas parties you'll attend this season, it's time to bone up on a few new magic tricks to daze and amaze those fellow boozers. MagicTricks.com is a free resource of card tricks, coin tricks, close-up magic and running gags to play on holiday revellers.

YESTERDAYLAND BRINGS A TEAR: ALL THE STUFF WE REMEMBER
Do you ever have GOOD memories of the old days? PacMan, Smurfs, Schoolhouse Rock, Benji, Archie's Fun House, Captain Kangaroo, Fat Albert, Underdog, they're all here. It's a memory-juicing journey back to the culture we grew up in, from the 60's to present day in Pop Music, TV and at the movies.

WHO NEEDS NICKELODEON? THE MOST INNOVATIVE CARTOONS ARE ON THE WEB
Sarcastic, acerbic, caustic, pungent and sometimes so sharp as to cause mental pain, IceBox.com's cartoons on the web will never be syndicated on Nickelodeon. But *very* funny!

TICKET SCALPING ONLINE -- GET OFF THE STREETS!
Buy Tickets / Sell Tickets / No Cops / No Scammers / No Risk
So the next time you can't wait in line all day for Cindy Lauper tickets, click your way to the folks who did, and pick up real tickets real cheap (usually). Sports, Entertainment, all of 'em.

SUPERSTARS BEWARE! A Gold Mine of Personal Celebrity Information
And Here...
Hollywood Revealed - Where the Stars Live and Play! An insider's look at the major Hollywood studios, home addresses of movie and TV stars, and much more. We're not talking semi-has-beens like Angie Dickinson (though she's there, too) - listings include Tom Cruise-Kidman, Pammy Lee and the the hottest "A-list" personalities from TV and movies. No need to shell out $10 for a lame map on your next trip to Tinseltown. Remember, it's all in fun - no stalking!

WOULD IT WORK OUT IF YOU HOOKED UP WITH YOUR FAVE CELEB?
Plug in your personal stats, and the big CelebMatch brain will determine which celebrity is most compatible with you. It uses biorhythms, numerology and lots of heavy thinking to figure this out. If nothing else, it's a great place for Stalkers to pick up a new target. You can also check compatibility with your real-life squeeze.

I CAN'T GET ENOUGH JUICY CELEBRITY MINUTIA
Who's fired? Who's hired? Who's causing a SNIT on the set? Who's movie is a dud? It's up-to-the-minute Celeb news that the celebrities themselves can't live without.

I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, EXCEPT FOR THOSE MEDDLING KIDS!
Scooby-Doo's latest Halloween adventure. Play some games, listen to some funny songs, be a kid again.

GET BEHIND-THE-SCENES MOVIE GOSSIP - FRESH & SCANDALOUS EVERY DAY!
It's like the Drudge Report for the Movie Industry -- How much does Mike Myers want for Austin Powers 3? Who got famously chummy behind closed trailer doors on the set of 'Almost Famous'? What nasty pranks did Billy Murray play during filming of 'Charlie's Angels'? You get the idea.

And if you're not in one of the 3 lucky cities to hear the MJ and BJ morning radio show, you can still listen in to Waldo's Wicked reports from Hollywood at the MJandBJ.com web site (always a hoot, and Waldo always get the scoop even *before* the tabloids do!

360 DEGREE ALASKAN WEB CAM, SUPERB COLOR, FLAWLESS IMAGE, LARGE WINDOW
Why can't they use this technology for Beach Cams? Finally, a web cam with spectacular quality... and an interesting subject, to boot. Imagine touring Alaska in a submarine, and periodically peering through the periscope while spinning slowly around in a complete circle. It's been done -- it's been *well* done -- here at "Alaska in Panorama" web site. Just click on a location and wait a few seconds for the moving panaramic shots to begin. I couldn't get the zooms to work, but it didn't matter.

AND CONTINUING THE "BEAUTY OF SNOW" THEME...
If snowflake art is your bag, don't miss the famous "Snowflake Laboratory" with a zillion high-res photos taken through a microscope of the most intense, intricate snowflake patterns you'll ever see.

BLOCKBUSTER MOVIES ARE JAM-PACKED WITH BLOOPERS
Did you notice Bruce Willis was wearing a different shirt every time the camera pointed at him in certain scenes of "The Sixth Sense"? Check out MovieBlooper.com to find the continuity and staging errors in YOUR favorite Hollywood blockbuster. They're everywhere, how come we didn't see 'em before?

WHEN THE BEST PEN PAL IS A GAME
I like Solitaire, I Love Tetris, and I'd like *more* fun little games like those... That's the 411 on ZapSpot. They'll email you a small game program once a week. That's it - that's all they do. But it's cool, because they pre-play the games and judge the software on its fun quotient, ease of play and addictiveness qualities. The games are pre-screened for viruses, of course, and they're guaranteed to provide gaming fun for a few minutes, if not a lifetime. No Mac games yet.

NINA LOVES TO DANCE -- Push Her Buttons, Make Her Shake It!
Nina (the Goddess) will dance the night away anyway you like, just tell her how to shake her booty, she'll perform for you and only you...

I PITY THE FOOL WHO DOESN'T CLICK HERE! Mr. T versus Everything
Mr. T as SuperHero? It's happening before our very eyes --- Mr. T's comeback is heavily impacting the internet! This Mr. T Fan Site lists 232 -- THAT'S TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO -- web sites which depict Mr. T vs. Bad guys, fighting evil, righting wrongs and coming to the rescue of helpless victims.

SARCASTIC (I Mean, "Drunk") GEORGE BUSH
Here's the Famous Amateur Wedding Video of George W. Bush, acting "sarcastic, obnoxious and intoxicated" from the early 90's. And more Bush secrets here...

AREN'T CELEBRITIES BORN TO BE BASHED?
The Celebrity (Parody) Web Cam site puts real famous faces with amazing expressions into these hiliarious clips of the well-known caught being caught in supposed behind-the-scenes life situations. A hoot and a half!

ASTONISHING! COULD THESE BE REAL? BUSH/GORE DEBATE PRIMERS
BUSH and GORE
I look at these moving pictures, I see their faces (no question it's them!) and I hear their voices -- absolutely, those are *definitely* their voices -- but they're saying INCREDIBLE things! My sense of reality gets all jingle-jangled everytime I witness these new JibJab Bush/Gore parodies. Hysterical ain't a strong enough word for them -- but I gotta believe my lying eyes and ears.

NOT-SO-KRAZY MUSICIANS USING THE WEB
The internet has become perfect for Up and Coming Musicians, where multimedia and fan info can really go a long way toward promoting a new artist:

THE FARM CLUB HOOKUPS for Musicians
Post your tracks, find a drummer or search for a vocalist, whatever you need to complete your band. If your tunes are awesome, the Farm Club Fans will vote on it, and *naturally* you'll get the attention of record studios and away you go with your first #1 Single!

OR GO IT ALONE SUCCESSFULLY LIKE GOLDY LOCKS DID
Here's the super web site for Goldy Locks, a dynamite new performer who answers her own email! Pictures, tunes, videos, concert info and fan club all in one. Watch out for this one...

THE BARKING SPIDER collects Zany Pass-along Comedy Post 'ems
Everybody's got a gimmicky name to use on the Internet (except L&D, of course, that's our real names!) and the Barking Spider is no exception -- Here's our favorite assemblage of 100s of great gag lists, fake memos, Oops Headlines, bumpersnickers, amazing ways to order a pizza, Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support, excuses from Hell, elevator games, the lists extends into infinity. Print some out and post them in your company's cafeteria!

BRITNEY'S B-I-G BOOB GROWTH SPURT
And more...
And still more...
And, yes, even more...
Follow along, friends and fans, as we study and document the amazing upper body expansion Britney Spears experienced just a short year ago. This extensive documentary features rare photographic evidence, scientific evaluations and testimony of witnesses as we study exactly *how* Britney went from a A-cup to a D-cup in only a few weeks. You'll also witness an authentic "raw" paparazzi short film in which Britney (oops) pops out of her top. After the shocking conclusion of our documentary, set aside an evening to play the highly addictive "Britney Breast Pump" game -- too fun!

RAP ALONG WITH BUSH AND GORE -- THE NEW HIP HOP STARS OF THE MONTH!
JibJab.com has always created too-funny online cartoons and spoofs, but the new one of Al Gore and George Bush giving a Rap Music performance is over the top... it's absolutely unpresidential! Click on the Gore picture, and then click on the "Election" Button, and gather your cubicle-mates around for a paaaaarteee!

NOTHING, AND I MEAN *NOTHING*, IS FUNNIER THAN GOOFY FACES
Think I'm nuts? You haven't seen ME sitting on the front pew at church making wacko crazy faces at the choir as they sing! Lots of folks like me have the skill, the God-given talent and the chutzpa to make goofy faces. Here's the best of the best!

PEN PAL WITH CELEBRITIES, BASH THE JERKS AND PRAISE THE GOOD GUYS
I whipped off an email to Britney Spears telling her to get out of the music business and into the lingerie modeling business. I told George W. "Ah ha hha ha ha hah You're so funny, like a joke." I asked Bill Gates if he needed any help dividing Microsoft from one monopoly into two monopolies. Oh it's great fun -- find almost anybody at TellThemNow.com and send them a piece of your mind. It's free, and it's therapeutic.

OFFBEAT AND FUNKY, WEB-ONLY MOVIES ARE AMASSING FANS LIKE CRAZY
It's so easy from a technical basis to make your own movies these days, but *quality* has always been the stumbling block. Now Atom Films brings movie freaks with the savvy and the talent together and set up a Virtual Movie Theatre. Hundreds of off-Hollywood but professionally made films and short features are assembled with above standard plots and (sometimes) kinky premises in a high-quality video stream. Sometimes these movies hit the big time like Blair Witch Project did, and that's the dream of these Spielberg wannabes. And some will make it, I'm sure of it.

SURVIVOR WOULDN'T SURVIVE "LINKY & DINKY THE TV SHOW"
Survivor is only hot because of the Internet, and the voluminous multitude of gritty real-life web cams that propagated the idea of mass voyeurism (did I say all that?) The Official Survivor Web Site lets you get profiles of all the "stranded" talk-show-stars of the future, chat, vote to knock people off the island, even submit an online application in case you're nuts enough to try for your own fifteen minutes of fame. At the very least, fans of the show will want to sign up for the Survivor Email Newsletter.

A DAINTY LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE WOMAN'S MIND
eHarlequin has tapped into the minds of women like no other -- romance (of course), sex & relationships, fashion, beauty tips, health & fitness, motherhood, decorating, gardening -- nothing about fast cars or techno-snazzy gizmos. It's deep, it's wide and it's thoroughly a tribute to the modern woman. And the part *I* like is the links to other magazines' cover stories with those blazingly controversial headlines that litter the checkout line at the grocery store. Read them through eHarlequin with complete anonymity!

CARTOONS FROM THE OUTHOUSE WALL (or Water Closet Frescoes)
Like I always tell Linky, we don't run enough jokes and cartoons in the newsletter -- but here's a gem. Oh sure, most are a bit on the raunchy side, but this is *not* a gargantuan joke site full of lame and half-lame gags -- THESE cartoons are lovingly handpicked for humor, and since the chuckles kept coming, I kept clicking until I had seen them all. *My* favorite, called "The End Of The Rainbow", depicts my personal attitude toward life. You can't miss finding a new all-time favorite of your own among these Funny "Water Closet Frescoes".

FAVE SOPRANO LINE: "She's dead to me"
Sopranoland
Sopranos Gags and Multimedia
Sopranos Web Ring
I'll admit only one thing: I used to think the song said "... with boom boom in your eyes". But now I know, after reading the actual lyrics on one of these FAN-tastic Soprano web sites, it's actually "... with blue moon in your eyes." Was I the only one? And if I told you I was a huge Dallas fan in the 80's, would it surprise you? Here's some of my favorite Soprano web sites, all labors of love for the show.

And one my special favorites, "Dining with the Sopranos", recipes of
the food dishes they talk about incessantly on the show!

And something else cool is the ANT BRACELET. Worn around the wrist, this trend-setting transparent adornment lets you enjoy watching ants at play without the bites -- and look *cool* while doing it!

THE RACE FOR THE PRESIDENCY -- THE ODDS CHANGE EVERY DAY!
The Gallup Poll will send a free email to you every day with the results of its daily tracking poll on the U.S. Presidential Race, to keep you up-to-date on the fluxing whims of American voters. So if you're following this battle between bigger Gov't versus smaller Gov't, of self-empowerment versus public assistance, of brains versus brawn, then this daily heads up will come in handy. Just look for the link under the "Election 2000" graphic. (Do you feel smart like I do when you say the phrase: "CNNUSATODAYGALLUPPOLL")

ALWAYS POPULAR, ACTRESS PICTURES; an 8x10 Glossy Haven
Oh, they're so lovely, these talented young actresses -- and if we didn't care, they wouldn't be listed.

MORE PUZZLES, PLEASE!
Me Thinks Me Brain Will Bust with this gigantic assortment of puzzles, teasers, twisters, jigsaws, word games, crypto-games, crosswords and other toys and board games. If I just had more time in the day, I'd work them all...

ONE DAY, WE'LL ALL INTERACT WITH OUR CARTOONS THIS WAY
StickyFlicks, magnificently created by independent cartoonists, revels in amazing us with high production values, top-notch animation and clever, funny story lines. Mr. Walt Disney brought us the first talky cartoon; he'd fight to get out of his casket if he knew about the new cartoon technology on the web...

STICK FIGURE ANIMATIONS -- THEY ARE WHAT YOU SAY THEY ARE
I snuck this by Uncle Url by convincing him that only those people with dirty minds would be entertained by these crazy little stick figure animations of people engaged in, well, I don't have a dirty mind so I just can't figure out what it is they're doing.

LENO, LETTERMAN, CONAN and KILBORN MONOLOGS (the morning after)
You can't watch each Late Night talk show, but you CAN read the monologs from each of these sardonic witsters the next morning, sans the studio audience and without the laugh track. Sure, all the jokes are there, and I get to make up the comedic delivery myself!

BRAND SPANKIN' NEW MUSIC MUSEUM
Uncle Url tells me he still prefers his Sinatra and Dino albums (but I know where hides his Peter Frampton 8-track tapes). Anyway, I found a cool new museum dedicated to the music *I* like, and this is their web site. The real museum (in Seattle) is opening this weekend, and the site is full of photos, interviews, music, video and more tidbits from the collection; it generally treats the subject of Rock Music as if it were high art, or at least low art. It's run by some Microsoft big wig - whoever thought they'd be so cool?

NATIONAL LAMPOON is Alive and Well on the Web
If you think National Lampoon only makes Chevy Chase movies, you're dead wrong -- the 'Poon has been around for decades making mincemeat of society's most cherished institutions. It's all for laughs, and National Lampoon, like everybody else, hung a dot com onto the end of itself. Still Hilarious after all these years....

A TEENAGE BOY MAKES A MILLION A YEAR FROM THIS MUSIC SITE
Angelo Sotiracopoulos created this web site when he was 15 years old as a place for his girlfriend to have a place to chat about music. 4 years later, Michael Ovitz of Disney attempted to buy the site from Angelo for several million dollars. Angelo turned Disney down, claiming he's already making a million a year and wants to maintain control. It's a music news and chat, etc. site. Hmmm, Linky & Dinky would make fantastic Disney characters, don't you think?

THE COLORIFIC THEME PARK THAT IS CRAYOLA
I love to color with my crayons. I like to sharpen them. My favorite crayon color used to be "Indian Red" until they had to change the name because it was politically incorrect against the Injuns. So now my favorite color is Fuchsia, with Coral being a close second. Crayola has made one of the best product-based web sites on the internet, and has found every possible way to have fun with crayons that could possibly be. It's just cool.

THE CLASSIC ARCADE GAMES MUSEUM
But if you yearn to relive the ancient history of video arcade games, you'll get a blast out of the Classic Gaming Museum, which features the entire history of dozens of old pop games, like Pong, Atari 2600 and many others.

ROCK ON TV! Never miss an important music performance on TV
I had no idea how many LIVE FREE performances I was missing on TV. MusicStation.com provides audiofiles with three terrific free services: RockOnTV, my favorite, let's you pick specific pop stars or bands, and every week they e-mail you a chart of when and where those musicians will be performing on TV. MusicNewsWire is up-to-the-minute music industry news which we featured in a previous newsletter, and CD-ClubServer, a mega-lo-mart of mail order CD catalogs, swebbed together for best prices and availability.

TV EYES
Another cool service like RockOnTV is TV-Eyes -- enter keywords and you'll get an immediate, real-time e-mail every time your keyword is spoken on TV. Amazing, but true. Don't put in "Elian" or "Britney" or you'll get mail-bombed like crazy.

REMEMBER LPs? REMEMBER DEEJAYS? REMEMBER THE SCRATCHES?
YOU be the DJ in the booth, playing stacks of wax, flinging the quadraphonic sound throughout the dance floor, pulsing the beat, hammering the bass and inducing engorged and tingly booties to gyrate. Riff that record, man! It's loud, baby, and booming out the tunes was exactly like this in previous decades. And the scratch sounds are part of it! Beware of the boss: this site ROCKS... LOUDLY!

PICK YOUR MUSIC THE WAY YOU PICK YOUR MEALS!
What kind of music are you in the mood for? Do you feel like some dramatic easy-listening with a medium-fast tempo? How about a chaotic Texas Swing with multiple tempos? It's a weird way to pick your grooves, baby, but by choosing descriptors from the pop-up menus, you can define exactly the type of music you yearn for, no matter who the artist is. Get a list of matching tracks, listen, click around for other matching titles, and of course, you can buy the music you've found. Prepare to spend some time, because browsing music this way is as fun as it is fulfilling. Where else can you find Rockabilly when you need it?

THE PEOPLE CONTINUE TO DEMAND CELEBRITY PHOTOS, LOPEZ WINS THE QUANTITY RACE
AND HERE...
We start with Jennifer Lopez. I would tell you how many stunning photos there are of her at this site, but I got clicker-cramp trying to see them all. The A-List guarantees quality, and they deliver, not just pictures, but Quicktime clips of Movies, Music Videos and even segments of interviews. And for those who want males, the second link is an equally highclass celeb site and is sure to please.

I HATE THOSE ONLINE POSTCARDS, BUT THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE INTERNET!
Here's about two dozen wacky gags which exist for no other purpose other than to get you to pass them on to your friends, who, in turn, theoretically, will delight in passing them on *again*, and before you know it, the internet's entire available bandwidth is filled to capacity (like our mail box is every day, with free crap Binky asked for.

IT'S A MAGIC PORTAL, or, er, THE PORTAL FOR MAGIC
Everybody knows I'm a Magic Buff, and I frequently wander through the Secret Clubhouse performing close-up magic to the delight of our members. I always conclude my act with the squirting lapel Daisy Flower trick -- a real crowd pleaser! AllMagicGuide.com is where I get my new tricks, as well as other performance news, views, rumors and on any given morning you can find me hunched over this encyclopedic database of Magic Tricks -- even Mask Suggestions for the Masked Magician!

IS ANYTHING MORE FUN THAN SCREEN SAVERS? The Web's Top 50 Screen Savers
In case you were born prior to 1970, a screen saver is a program that kicks in after you've been idle for a certain number of minutes, and splashes your computer screen with something colorful, motionful, informational or all three. They were invented to save your monitor from burning a static image onto the screen, but that hasn't been necessary for, oh, about 10 years. Here's what Yahoo says are the 50 best ones.

TRANSCRIPTS OF CNN SHOWS - Another Internet Success Story
"OH NO! James Van Praagh seances John McCain on Larry King unexpectedly, and I missed it because I was watching Felicity! Damn!" Does that sound familiar? Fear not, because CNN now provides full transcripts of *all* its talk shows on its web site. About six of you will know that CNN previously didn't provide transcripts, and they were only available through Journal Graphics for about 8 bucks. Am I showing my age?

PENN AND TELLER, AS SHOCKING AS THEY WANNA BE
The most creative and destructive minds in the Comedy Magic Biz, Penn (the talkative one) and Teller (the dimunitive tortured one) have packed their official web site with what appears to be everything that's ever been in their bag of tricks. If you've never seen Penn and Teller from the third row of Harrah's Vegas Showbar, as Dinky and I have, you know how this outrageous team can trick, beguile, shock and shatter your senses. We snooped around the dusty outskirts of Vegas trying to stumble upon the Penn and Teller compound, but all we found were tumbleweeds.

TITANIC MOVIE SCRIPT, who says you can't find everything on the internet?
It's amazing how this simple typed document, with lots of parentheses and extra spaces, turned into the monumental film. So get a few of your friends together and playact the dinner scene or the spitting scene or the backseat of the car scene. Also of note, about 15% of the script was cut out of the movie, but this is the original James Cameron document, so sift through it and find some scenes and dialog not witnessed by the rest of the planet.

NITPICKERS, THE CLUB OF SPOILSPORTS WHO FIND ERRORS IN MOVIES
Here's an example of the more than 186 "errors" found by nitpickers in the movie Titanic: "When old Rose starts telling her story, her grandaughter is wearing a green t-shirt. After Jack and Rose have just kissed for the first time, they go back to present day, and her grandaughter is wearing a long sleeved blue shirt." Nitpickers is full of these scintillating observations and has several dozen things to say about 100's of movies. Many are technical, such as "the Milky Way can't be seen in the sky in month of April as shown in Titanic" and so forth. Find YOUR favorite movie and see what's wrong it. Fun stuff!

WHO'S ALIVE AND WHO'S DEAD? Find out if your favorite star is still breathing
Lucy, Ricky, Fred and Ethyl, all dead. The Skipper, Mr. and Mrs. Howell ("Lovey"), all kicked it. The "Who's Alive and Who's Dead" web site offers us a highly organized database of old TV stars and other famous entertainers, and their current state of health, or the day they died and a brief news clip of the event. So much talent, lost for all time (except for Tattoo of the old Fantasy Island, I think we're all glad he bowed out). But many bring a gentle tear to the eye, like Granny from "Hillbillies". Peruse gruesomely (or gruesomely peruse?) through political figures, musicians, news media talent, models, religious leaders... please excuse me for a minute, I've got to sit down. The grief, it's too much...

MORE MORE MORE ONLINE GAMES, TONS, GOBS OF GAMES
Play for Free against the computer or other online players. Everybody is good at *some* game, maybe your expertise is in: Backgammon, checkers, chess, crosswords, Jumble, Bridge, Euchre, Hearts, Solitaire, Spades, Trivia, Bingo, Keno (yeah, right), Doomsday, Tank hunter, pretty much all the popular games. And if you're good -- I mean real good and win lots of games, you'll win $100's in the Jackpot series. As a professional phraseologist, I'm compelled to suggest: "Leave me alone, I'm good to go with Pogo.com"

TWISTED HISTORY
It's the little-known facts of historical events, behind the scenes moves, gaffs and blunders that worked out well -- and some that didn't. Often the future of thousands of lives can turn on a ill-concieved idea or a thoughtless statement. Find out the fascinating truth behind the commonly accepted version of History.

SMURFS STILL LIVE, AND STILL CRY FOR YOUR LOVE
I've named all my Smurfs, and we hold court on my bed every night after Uncle Url screams "lights OUT!" at the top of his lungs. We discuss the events of the day, and devise our next attack on Binky. This Official Web Site of the Smurf Fiefdom is like a family album to me and my little blue friends.

MUSICSTATION DRAWS IN ALL MUSIC NEWS LIKE A BLACK HOLE
It's a Portal with the news
Music News that you can Use
Music Stories, Music Views
Hear the Choir, sit in Pews
Steal a Lyric, see who sues
Press Releases: find the ruse
Join the Club and pay no dues
Who's hot this week? Who's lit a fuse?
It's all 'bout Music; you can't lose.

I tried, but failed, to work in "Jews"
Or "zoos" or "mules" or all the "Hughs"
I think I'll stop, I'll heed the cues,
I'll rhyme no more - I hear the "phews"...

ROADSIDE AMERICA - OFFBEAT ATTRACTIONS ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE
This site MUST be a labor of love -- click on your State, and you'll get a COMPREHENSIVE list of what we affectionally call "Offbeat Roadside Attractions", and they're everywhere! Famous and not-so-famous grave sites, byzantine pet cemeteries, shrubbery labyrinths, museums of the most stupidest stuff, gravity defying natural phenomenom, parked military equipment to climb all over, the World's Largest this and that, Virgin Mary images galore, drive-thru trees, it literally phreaks me out how much of this stuff is littering our rural highways... and it's so cool!

28,800 SOUND CLIPS OF OUR FAVORITE COMEDIANS, OTHERS
If you're like me, you can't get enough of hearing Steve Martin say: "Excuuuuuse ME!" and we're all in luck now, thanks to SoundAmerica. All the great lines from all the great shows (Seinfeld, etc.), great movie lines, great special effect sounds, it's just audio ecstacy. Play them on the site, or download the .wav for lots and lots of desktop fun.

THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER BRINGS IT'S TRASHY TABLOID NEWS ONLINE!
Everybody knows the National Enquirer, and without fanfare they are publishing the "better" articles from the newsprint version on the web. Always fascinating, and always a great bird cage liner.

WITNESS CHRISTIANS POUNDING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER
Oh sure, we all know that Ephesians 6:10 says "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." but that ain't any reason to knee-lock a fellow believer in a massive choke hold, is it? The Christian Wrestling Foundation sets up it's ring in Church Sanctuaries and their boisterous gang of Wrestlers-For-Jesus get ready to rumble (right after the plate is passed). Book your church today! Lots of photos prove it's really real, and it's so sweet that they pray before ringing the bell.

LISTEN TO BEST SELLERS, NEWSPAPERS, LECTURES, MOST ANYTHING REAL CHEAP
It's the brave new world of Text-to-Speech as you can now effortlessly choose to receive your media via spoken word, instead of printed text. And it's a whole lot cheaper, too! The new John Grisham Book for $1.95? Download the Wall Street Journal in seconds and listen to it during your commute? Hear important lectures and hoity-toity speeches you missed? It's all coming true at Audible.com - listen via your computer (or laptap on the go) or use it with a Pocket PC or Rocket eBooks or several other audio players. Just another amazing internet innovation, what's next?

AND THE BANDS PLAY ON
Do you wish you could follow your favorite band around the country? Have you gone broke buying Tapes and CDs of all 6000 of your favorite bands? Do you get a great buzz when you find a new band that turns you on? Do you wish you could sample hundreds of new bands in just one evening? Do you wish I'd stop asking questions and answer a few?

NEW RESOLUTION FOR NEW YEAR'S -- PLAY MORE GAMES ON THE WEB
Card Games, Word Games, Board Games, Puzzles, Mazes (cool!) How about Hangman? Plaid Libs (make up funny adlib stories) Brain Teasers, Video Poker, and the game I'm trying to master this year, Solitaire. If you're too "busy" with "work" to play a little game for fun, then send this link to a cubicle enemy and get *them* in trouble.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL ON THE RADIO on my desktop!
And here, too!
Instead of twisting dials on your stereo receiver, imagine that EVERY radio station in the world were available to you with fingertip control! That's basically what these two Radio sites are, free, simple-to-use tools that lets music fans instantly locate and connect to their favorite streaming audio servers worldwide. Hear CD-quality music right now - any genre, any time -- from the Internet's largest collection of online broadcasters. And it's not just for listening, you can set up your own virtual Radio Station and broadcast anything you want! Dinky and I set up the "All Belching, All The Time" station. Tune us in!

ALL MUSIC VIDEOS ALL THE TIME ALL FREE
It's like your own personal Total Request Live, 24 hours a day. Just set up a log-on name, and you can point and click your way to all the current and past music videos that make your toes tap, as well as many unknown and forgotten music videos that don't.

THE LYRICS ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE MUSIC (sometimes)
Uncle Url is constantly complaining that he can't understand the words to the music Dinky and I listen to. So we sent him to Lyrics.com, a database of just that: lyrics to 1000s of popular songs. So if you think your son or daughter is listening to songs with lyrics about drugs, killing cops or anything about the black experience, you're probably right -- and now you can prove it.

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE Y2K...
Somebody wrote a funny song about Y2K with eleven verses, sung to the tune of "Twas the Night Before Christmas". With eleven verses, it's GOT to be good... and DIREFUL!

100 GREATEST VIDEOS OF ALL TIME, at least since the 80's...
...because I don't think they made videos before the 80's, but here they are, in all their streaming video glory, as chosen by MTV fans. You might burn up your cable modem watching all these, but what a way to go. My favorite is #28, and get this: Dinky likes #74! What a goofball.

VIDEO CLIPS ON DEMAND, NEWS, ENTERTAINMENT, SPORTS, ANYTHING!
No lengthy blocks of words here, it's all video clips of current events. It's like a typical News web site, except there are no stories to read. Instead, point and click your way thru the News, Politics, Entertainment, Sports, Business, Lifestyles, etc. and get the latest scoop by video playback. A very nifty interface makes it easy to find the topics you want. I've always enjoyed fast forwarding thru commercials and stories I wasn't interested in, but here's a neat way to see only what you want.

WATCH THE SOPRANOS WITH BOOM BOOM IN YOUR EYES
And HERE...
"Woke Up This Morning" by A3 was a little heard track on an obscure album that came and went in the U.S. in 1997... until the right person happened to hear it on the radio and eventually chose it for the theme song of HBO's Sopranos. Now it's a huge hit, and Jay Leno flew the band from overseas just to play the song on the Tonight Show. Reading over the lyrics, it says "with a Blue Moon" in your eyes. I like "boom boom" better. A3's other songs, more than a dozen of them, can be sampled at the site, too, and they're all just as cool.

JIGSAW PUZZLES ON THE WEB? -- JIGSAW PUZZLES ON THE WEB!
It's just like they ask you -- how much time do you have? Choose a quick and easy 6 piece puzzle, or dive right into a 250 piece masterpiece that will take you all darn day to finish. There are over 300 puzzles available, and if you sign up for the "Puzzle a Day" email newsletter, away you go -- what's more fun?

WHAT DID GEEKS DO BEFORE THEY HAD COMPUTERS? CHESS.
And now Chess lovers of the world can raise a victorious fist into the air, and meet each other for live real-time games via Chess.net, where I never saw fewer than 800 people online playing or waiting to play. Fast-mousing Chessmasters can even play two or more games at a time, and while you're laughing at the tape holding their eyeglasses together, they shout "CHECK MATE, SCUM!"

SOME GENTLE PRANKS FOR THE TIMID AT HOME OR OFFICE
Here's some funny (yes, harmless) pranks to play around the office or school. There's hundreds of classics here, but none of them are seriously deadly, even the super-glue suggestions. Just keep clicking on the ONE MORE button. It never ends.

FOLDING PAPER FOR FUN *AND*... WELL, JUST FOR FUN
"Origami" is the term for folding paper in complex ways to create recognizable objects. It's also the favorite study hall past time of millions of 7th graders. Here's 100s of specifications and instructions for folding your own "Lunar Lander" or "Winged Serpent" or my fave: "Winged Beetle"!

INTERNET PICTURE FRAME FOR THE LIVING ROOM
It's an 8 x 10 Digital Photo Frame, and you place it in your living room, and via a telephone line it connects to the web and downloads, stores and displays in slide show fashion up to 250 photos which have been posted to a special web site. It's one of the cool new "Internet Appliances", and if you give one to Grandma in Topeka, you can magically post new pictures of the kids directly to it. $250, but it's a small price to pay to be way cool! Hugh Hefner's got one, but he doesn't use it for grandchildren photos...

MAKE YOUR OWN KALEIDOSCOPE - ON THE WEB, OF COURSE
It's different every second! I clicked and dragged on this very cool kaleidoscope for many hours until my carpal tunnel shut down my right hand. It's mesmerizing, be forewarned!

CELEBRITY STATS - WHO'S KEEPING UP WITH THE MR. & MRS. TOM CRUISES?
Did Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods have the most press clipping last year? (Jordan) Did Oprah make more money than George Lucas in 1999? (Nope) Who had the most magazine covers, the Backstreet Boys or Cher? (Cher) Compare the earnings of the top 100 celebrities with press clippings, web hits, Radio/TV hits and their overall ranking. Leave it to Steve Forbes to publish the winners in the commercialization game. Who paid the most taxes? (all of them!)

THE SWIMSUIT ISSUE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE
A glossy magazine can't move, it can't show video clips, it can't display 360 degree virtual reality scenes, and it can't show you the 1000s of photos taken that didn't make it to print, but the Web can! This year, Sports Illustrated has really gone all out with SWIMSUIT 2000 VR on the Web. Zoom, pan, scan and browse the bikini photographs and movies until you can't stand it anymore. Like a suit? Click to buy, and you can wear the same bikini a supermodel wears (but the similarity will probably end there).

THE BIGGER THE PRANK, THE MORE PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IT
Here's the classic collection of pranks played on Government agency, or involving government agency, or at the behest of people with government agencies. Those bureaucrats crack us up!

THE TOP 20 ALL TIME APRIL FOOL'S PRANKS
The best of all time are listed here... just so you can some ideas!

FOLDING BOATS FIT BEHIND YOUR SOFA ON WEEKDAYS, PULL SKIERS ON WEEKENDS!
Apartment-dwellers: If you live near water, and want to fish or ski or scuba dive or puttputt around inland lakes or bays, a folding boat might be your answer! This remarkable invention is a thick, hard rubbery plastic that unfolds up to a 12-footer with 3 seats and a 50 hp motor. No trailers, no marina storage, just slip it behind the sofa in your living room like you would a surf board. 8 to 12 feet, about 60 pounds. Straps nicely to the roof of your VW bug.

SMASH REGIS! I mean SMASH HIM GOOD!
For everything Regis Philbun says, SMASH HIM in this fast-paced online shockwave game -- and just remember, Linky & I were sick of Regis before being sick of Regis was cool.

IT'S TIME FOR MARDI GRAS!
In Fact, Mardis Gras is over, and MardiGras.com couldn't have covered it any better. Zillions of Photos, videos, articles, FAQs and live-on-the-spot roving reporters tell us about the debauchery that is Mardis Gras in New Orleans. The so-called ban on nudity this year has caused a revolt -- how many topless women can the police arrest? only the Bourbon Street Web Cams know for sure...

IT'S TIME FOR SPRING BREAK!
Where are the Hot Babes going this Spring? Where are the Ripped Studs hanging out this year? Student Advantage collects ALL the important facts students need to know -- and more than just Spring Break destinations... Get the "Ethics of Dating", discuss crazy and highly irresponsible pranks, gags, games and booze-cruising with other enormously inventive Spring Breakers. It's all here... click around and become a Spring Break Professional. If you're going to stay home and watch spring break on MTV, don't bother -- this site will just depress you.

SMOKEY THE BEAR ON THE WEB, fun, games and safety for all
Poor Smokey doesn't get as much press as he used to, but maybe that will change with his darling new web site -- Cute games, coloring features and lots and lots of instructional potpourri for kids. Lots of fun facts, too, like "SMOKEY'S FAVORITE FOODS: Forest takeout, including ants, insects, salmon or trout, bark, plants, roots and berries."

NOTHING SAYS HALLOWEEN LIKE SCOOBY DOO
If you've had enough of the hardcore Halloween hijinks, take a pallet cleanser and see Scooby-Doo's latest Halloween adventure. Play some games, listen to some funny songs, be a kid again.

PLAY 20 QUESTIONS WITH A COMPUTER
It's a software program - something they call an "algorithm", whatever that is - but it's smart! I mentally chose "computer" as the answer, and that darn thing narrowed down the list to a handful of possible solutions, of which one was correct! It's amazing, and a good time killer. They say it learns from it's mistakes, and that's cool, because I usually don't.

PUZZLE YOURSELF CRAZY
Enter the Puzzle Ring, it's one of those Internet cooperation programs, in which like-minded web sites (in this case, PUZZLES!) are all linked together in a giant circle, hence the name "Web Ring". If Pencil Puzzles and Word Games are your bag, baby, then you'll find the Puzzle Ring shagadelic!

BEST OF TONGUE TWISTERS - Save this one for Date Night!
What's more fun than listening to someone try to properly say a brutal tongue twister? Forget about "Peter Piper", try "The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick." and about 100 more!

BACK WHEN LETTERMAN WAS COOL, the 1980'S
We LOVED it at the time! Remember this stuff? Valley Girls, the new music called "Rap", Break Dancing, Pac Man, a Postage Stamp was 15 Cents, A Brand New Chevy was $5400! How about "I pity the fool!" from the A-Team? What about "Survey Says!" You gotta love this place, it's intense, and covers everything about the 80's from TV, Music, World Events, Fashion, Catch Phrases, Fads, and bunches of trivia quizzes.

TWO CRAVINGS AT ONCE, RADIO ON THE WEB
I love radio. I love the web. Now the two marry and bring us radio from ANYWHERE right to our desktops. WebRadio was big a year ago, now it's humongous with hundreds of stations, thousands of programming formats, and maybe millions of shows! If nothing else, you can now catch Paul Harvey in your cubicle when you eat lunch at your desk.

DEVOTED TO TRIVIA?
This guy hates trivia, he mocks trivia, he shouts "Trivia Is Useless!" But even so, he has obviously spent thousands of hours creating this highly organized, exhaustive link-collection of Trivia Web Sites. Oh, he *claims* to despise trivia, but let me ask you a question: who said, "Me thinks he doth protest too much?"

FREE PC GAMES BY THE BAZILLION
Action, Adventure, Arcade, Board, Card, Dice, Logic, Educational, PacMan --- GAMES! Super selection, lovingly organized, and all Free. Hopefully I got this site to you before Binky did!

ROLLER JAM! RIPPED WOMEN CLASH THEIR BOOTIES ON TV
"Fie" on the WCW - there's nothing like the Roller Derby, and thank heaven someone had the wisdom and vision to BRING IT BACK! Don't miss the Roller Derby Word Jumble, and the multimedia thrills and spills.

OBSCURE STORE and READING ROOM - No News, Sports or Weather!
Yahoo's got one, AP News has one, and I'm sure there's more, but nobody does the "Alternate News" as well as Jim Romenesko with his Obscure Store and Reading Room. He packs it with his unique wit, and it's a must stop for all news junkies.

PUNS
You'd think I'd fill this review of PunPunPun.com with Puns. I decided not to -- why wear you out before you get there?

BITTER WAITRESSES GET REVENGE ON CELEBRITY DINERS
Beware Ye Rich and Famous, don't be rude to your waitress, don't treat the waitress like hired help with no green card, and most importantly, DON'T STIFF THEM with the TIP! From all over the world, Waitresses Report to us their Celebrity horror stories.

ELECTRONIC BOOKS ARE BECOMING MAINSTREAM
One glance at this "literary appliance" and you'll understand the future of books. This nifty e-Book isn't just for reading; as a computer, it makes searching, bookmarking, changing fonts/sizes, etc... a breeze. One day we'll all read like this.

CONCERT WEBCASTS, LIVE, UNCENSORED, JUST LIKE BEING THERE
Forget begging for tickets or waiting in line, big time concert webcasts are now for everybody -- Jewel, Willie Nelson, Kid Rock, Flaming Lips -- what more could you *ask* from the internet?

HOW ABOUT PRINGLES?
For some reason, Pringles seem to know all about behind the scenes of movies, TV shows, music concerts etc. I saw some neat stuff and learned some fun facts, but mostly I just got the munchies.

A CITY SIZE SHIP
The biggest ship ever made is also the safest - sound familiar? That's right, watch out, Leonardo DiCaprio. Imagine a cruise ship one mile long and 25 stories tall - man, that's big. Here it is. Don't miss the "Graphics" page, it's a doozy!

SURRENDER THE TV REMOTE CONTROL
If we were happy, we wouldn't flip. These folks take the work out of channel surfing - they'll send you an e-mail each day with the ONE best TV show for that day. Hey, if you're going to turn off your brain, why not go all the way and let someone else decide what you're going to watch!

THE SCOOP ON DISNEY
I think I heard that the Walt Disney Corporation is larger than many nations around the world. So of course it has it's own newspaper -- all the News That Fits about anything and everything Disney. By email, too.

WOODSTOCK '99, THE CROWD-CAM NEVER BLINKED
It was a wild party, dude! Besides the music, it was the pinnacle event for people-watching -- and now, through the miracle of Free FTP, Woodstock '99 has let attendees post their own photos of the event -- thousands of them! Scroll down the list, there's something for everybody. It's the next best thing to being sweaty and being there. Don't miss the body-painted 'bikini' models.

I CAN'T TAKE IT!
3-D panoramic animated web images? It's almost too much for my primitive mammal brain to handle. Get yourself a pair of those cool 3-D glasses, a cup of warm milk, and settle down with a handful of these graphics. You'll have yourself a cozy little freak out!

MY DOG IS MORE FAMOUS THAN YOUR DOG
If you think little Fluffy has what it takes to be the new fast-food spokesmodel, add his vital statistics in this site. Fluffy might make it to Hollywood! I couldn't add my beloved pooch Stinky, they didn't list his breed: "Mexican Hairless."

SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON AMAZEMENT
You've heard about the Kevin Bacon game, whereby every actor or actress can be linked professionally to Kevin Bacon within six steps. Well, amazingly, here's a web site to prove that hypothesis. Just enter ANY actor or actress who has EVER appeared in a Hollywood film, and the Oracle will reveal each step leading directly back to Kevin Bacon.

IT'S STILL ROCK AND ROLL TO ME
And More...
It's a national database of Rock & Roll Bands, Live Peformances and Venues -- every band, every city, every night. Follow your favorite band around the country on tour, or find an obscure group in a shabby bar who might be next year's Run DMC! Huge, free, and lots of music extras. Also, TUNES.COM is a giant (and respectable) music MP3 site.

ALL MY TV FRIENDS!
Everyone loved our recent link to the "Gilligan's Island" site - we even got e-mail from Gilligan! So here's another one... How well I remember the comfort of the warm, flickering glow; gently bathing me in cleansing cathode rays. Ah... television. It filled me with delight to find this site, with news and updates on all my favorite shows - stars of the 90's talking about shows of the 70's, it's heaven!

TECHNO TEEN, an Internet Portal *ONLY* for Teenagers
Teen Chat, Teen Fashions, Teen Hobbies, Teen Sports, Teen Problems, Teen Hangout, Teen Poetry, Teen Gripes, Teen E-Pals, Teen "Health" Problems, Teen School Help, Teen Relationships. It took me awhile, but I eventually figured out this huge web site was for teens only.

CELEBRITY CHARITY DONATIONS -- WHO'S GENEROUS, WHO'S MISERLY?
Don't you always say "When I get rich, I'm going to give a lot to charity."? Well, guess what - some of the newly wealthy *have* donated to the less fortunate, but many have not! According to this extensive collection, Bill Cosby has earned millions, but donated only $10K. Others, like Jane Pauley, Kelsey Grammer, Jay Leno, etc..., are much more generous. Keep an eye on the stingy and good-hearted celebrities here.

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND LIVES ON (why?)
Ginger might have lost 40 or 50 pounds, and Gilligan looks more like Don Knotts these days, but it's still a blast to check in with the castaways. Join them on their latest 3 hour tour - mingling with the Prez in the White House.

PUZZLE MASTER, FINDING PUZZLES IS NO LONGER A PUZZLE
I love thinkin'. And I love puzzles. You know, brain twisters. Nerve poppers. Eye crossers. Boondoggles. Scrim scrams. Bushwackers. Hobgoblins. Drive yourself nuts.

OF COURSE, THERE'S CHRISTMAS.COM
Here's what people do: They get a great domain name (like Christmas.com), they fill it up with interesting and useful Christmas related information -- gift suggestions, office party ideas and ettiquette, Christmas recipes, party games, gimmicky software, etc. -- and then SELL ADS! Tons and tons of Advertisements. It's the same with "Halloween.com", "Valentines.com" and so forth. Hmm, but I guess those web sites are only hot once a year.

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT SANTA, sometimes it's about HANUKKAH LOTTO!
The rich, ancient tapestry of Hanukkah celebrations are observed around the world. You'll find Hanukkah items galore, including Hanukkah eCards, Hanukkah clip art, Hanukkah recipes, Hanukkah stories, Hanukkah songs, Hanukkah crafts, and even the chance to play Lotto online, for free. I'm serious. Hanukkah Lotto!!

CHRISTMAS FUN FOR ALL
Don't be deceived by the simple web page design, there's a witty edge to just about every entry in this great wholesome Christmas site. Just a bunch of Christmas Holiday Cheer served up with Jokes, Gags, Funny songs and poems, some wacky crafts, all with a bit of an zaniness. You'll like it, the kids will love it!

CHRISTMAS JOKES (It IS the season to be Merry, after all)
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? (Claustrophobic) What do snowmen eat for breakfast? (Snowflakes) Oh hush! They're cute! The kids will love them!

BRITNEY SPEARS swoons the girls and slays the boys
She's got fans. Over 2000 fan web sites and mailing lists scream for attention among a finite group of teenagers, and she's 17. The saucy and sexy photo shoots for Rolling Stone and Him magazine didn't hurt either. Amazingly, she denies breast implant surgery, and yet public photos taken two months apart contradict that story. Hey, talking about Britney reminds me, What ever happened to Hanson?

RADIO VOICES FROM AROUND THE GLOBE THRU THE INTERNET
We've heard of Voice of America, the BBC, CNN, etc., but what about Radio Yugoslavia? United Nations Radio? East Asia Today? Network Africa? Radio Switzerland? Radio Pakistan? Radio Vatican? Radio Prague? I counted 193 different radio simulcasts at this great web site, a beacon of Free Speech around the world, and I'm sure just a wee bit of propoganda, too.

MORE MOGULS!
I have long dreamed of becoming a big-shot Hollywood producer, but so far it hasn't gone any further than screaming "Places, everyone" at family gatherings, and getting a folding chair with my name on it. If you share the dream, read this guy's story of how he used the internet to finance, promote and distribute a *real* movie.

OH, THE FIDELITY!
When I die, I want to go 8-Track heaven. For those you who don't remember the 70's, 8-tracks are kind of like antique CD's. Turn on your lava lamp and enjoy the awesome sounds of Foghat, Switched-On Bach, and Yuletide Disco!

YOU'VE ONLY GOT ONE LIFE TO LIVE
So why not spend it watching TV! This is a fan site for the long-running soap opera, One Life to Live - the refreshing thing is that most of these crappy sites are trying to save their lame show from the verge of cancellation; this one is trying to get the producer FIRED! More power to 'em.

HEEHAW!! -- SPOOF SITES OF PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
AND ANOTHER...
"Don't vote for them, it only encourages them!" as the old saying goes. Politicians put their incessant campaign rhetoric on the internet, so why can't it be satirized? IT CAN! If you can find some others, please send them along to us.

THE "YOU'VE GOT MAIL" GUY
Anyone who's ever signed onto America Online has heard his voice time and time again. "Welcome!" "You've Got Mail!" "File's Done!" His name is Elwood Edwards, and he'll record a special vocal sound for you. I think he's feeling a bit left out of the AOL phenomenon, so drop him a note to cheer him up, too.

CARTOON'S AIN'T JUST FER KIDS!
If you like Linky & Dinky, but think that sometimes we go "just a bit too far", then RUN from this site. A weekly cartoon showcasing the nightmare of suburban life in Bizarro World. Favorite punch line: "um... that's not glass."

ACCORDION TO ME...
Is it just me, or does an accordion sound like a chorus of donkeys howling at the moon? If you disagree, you might try this site, the world's largest collection of accordion-related info. It's as cool as you might expect!

GET READY, IT'S TIME FOR BINGO!
It had to happen eventually... now BINGO is available as an online game just like at the Indian Reservation. You can play for free and compete against whomever else is online. Win small cash prizes and other discount-type giveaways. If you're hankering to play a rousing game of "Four Corners", this is the spot.

EXQUISITE PHOTOGRAPHY, SUBJECT: REALITY
"The camera is a brush that can't be matched by the human hand." I made that up, but these photographs are cool. Many different collections of some of the finest photo-art ever collected. "Art is beauty, and Beauty is Art" ...I made that up too. Rock on.

GIMME A BANANA, I'M A STAR
Famous monkeys of stage, screen and the space program. Cheetah, Lancelot Link, and even Davy Jones (I guess they're not too particular about spelling, he was a "Monkee," not a "monkey"). Also links to dog and cat sites, for you simianophobes.

LOOK OUT, IT'S ABOUT TO ERUPT!
My idea of a perfect vacation is a week in the Barcolounger with my entire videotaped library of "Masterpiece Theater" re-runs (on Betamax, of course, for optimal playback quality). But, for those foolhardy among you whose idea of a good time might include peering into the crater of an active volcano, check this site. It provides current updated on the world's most active volcano, Hawaii's Kilauea. Partly sunny, chance of lava - are you crazy?

REDEEMING THE INTERNET, ONE WONDERFUL SITE AT A TIME
Internet Field Trips for Kids, Online Activities for Kids, Kid Newspapers, Kid Artwork Gallery, Kid Stories, Kid Pen Pals, it's all about kids and for kids. Teachers, parents take note: This is a good one!

I'D BE THERE IF I WEREN'T HERE: Camp Star Wars
Who's in line ahead of you to see Star Wars - The Phantom Menace? See them LIVE at this funny site with an omnipresent WEB CAM, watching the people waiting to watch the movie. Why do they wait for weeks to see a 2-hour movie? "The media attention!" one answered. "I've already done over 30 TV interviews."

THE PEOPLE DEMAND PUZZLES!
Of course! Mazes on the internet! And this has got to be the best. Some how, some way, they've got a program which generates a different maze every time you hit reload. The mazes are perfectly printable, and quite challenging. Of course, when Dinky tried one of these mazes, he used a crayon on his 17" monitor screen. I wouldn't advise that...

A LITTLE LIGHT READING
Dinner at Linky and Dinky's house is a quiet affair, with time to reflect on the day's events. We also like to share little stories we've read - last night, Dinky brought us all to tears with the Celebrity Snack Palace's salute to Tom Jones. This mag is all over the place, but we also enjoyed the "Snit List" and the "Primal Scream Button".

THAT MOVIE SUCKED!
That's what I say any time I let Dinky pick the movie we go to. I suspect he finds those winners at this site, dedicated to the worst movies of all time. Of course, my taste in cinema is much more sophisticated...

SOUTH PARK HATERS NEED NOT APPLY
It's a rabid fan site for South Park, a cartoon show to most of us, a way of life to others. Take the South Park Trivia Quiz... winner's won't be called any names!

WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR CHAT NAME
Most people need someone to talk to from time to time. Some people (like me) prefer a bartender to a real psychiatrist... Erin the bar-bot is one of the best. She makes drinks the way I like them, she keeps a clean bar, and has a great jukebox. She even knows Elvis Costello's real name!

THE STICK MAN MOVIE -- TWO STUBS UP!!
It's the Theatre du Baton Figure, or "Stick Figure Theater" with a fancy French name. Crudely illustrated in black and white... and red. Blood red. Stick boy fall down go boom, and bleed.

LEND ME YOUR EAR
Vincent Van Gogh (rhymes with "Spock"), artist famous for being unhappy (who isn't sometimes?), going crazy (who hasn't, once in a while) and cutting off his ear (who doesn't, once or twice) has a great museum in Netherlands. It's closed for renoveations, but you can peek inside at this official site.

TO THE MOON, ALICE!
Space. The final frontier. These will be the voyages of people with $98,000 to spare, for a first class ticket to space! A 2 1/2 hour flight with weightlessness, a cool helmet - the whole deal. I bet the gift shop will be tremendous: "My dad went to space and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"

AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? HOW ABOUT DEPTHS?
Then don't get high - the same fine folks will take you real, real, low in a mini-sub. Heck, you can even take a hike on the poop deck of the Titanic (for real). The good news: the $35,000 fare seems cheap compared to the tickets to space!

KEEP YOUR BRAIN JUICY
Pencil Puzzles and Word Games have been published on cheap newsprint and plastered all over newstands for decades. Catch up to the 20th Century with this great puzzle web site from RinkWorks. And don't look for crossword puzzles, instead find Garbled Proverbs, Common Sense word problems and Tricky Lateral Thinking Puzzles (my favorite!). Tetris lovers... convert to Rinky Works!

IF WINNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, THEN WHY DO WE KEEP SCORE?
Anybody can win when you know the trick! Use these video game cheat codes to amaze your friends, or take their money through a series of cleverly devised "friendly wagers".

MAPS TO THE STARS... TOMBSTONES!
Most of us can never track down and meet our favorite celebrities while they were alive, so find 'em after they are dead! This site catalogs 1000's of deceased famous people, and shows pictures -- and maps! -- to their gravesites.
APRIL FOOL'S LEFTOVERS
More practical joke suggestions, More hilarious gags to play... With so many ways to prank your friends and enemies, it's a wonder we don't get beat up more often.

WHAT'S THAT THING ON CHER'S BUTT?
The *dark* side of Hollywood, revealed at last - dermatological secrets of the stars. Who has varicose veins? What is acromegaly and how can it help your acting career? And what IS that thing on Val Kilmer's elbow? Hollywood Dermatologists tell all!

LEGENDARY PRANKS ABOUT MICROSOFT
These now infamous "Internet Legends" were widely circulated, and in one case, the rumor ended up on the Evening News! Read these fake press releases about the Microsoft Monolith. Print out a good one and leave it for your company's blabbermouth to find -- watch the story spread around the office!

THE FAMOUS FACE CHALLENGE, and other gags
The Celebrity Face challenge game will occupy you for a few minutes, but then try out the other fun stuff: Virtual Vacations, Fake Mail and the Fun House... and pick up some more pointers for playing April Fool's gags!

GAG MATH TEST
Here's another great one to print out and mix in with other important work papers... The City Of Los Angeles High School Math Prociency Exam. Question #1: "Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by..." you get the idea.

CELEBRITY DEATH WATCH
Now an action-packed new game on the internet! Pick which celebrity will die next, or design a horrible death for your least favorite celebrity and act out your murderous plan on your computer. Monica better watch out...

TOP FIVE REASONS TO BOOKMARK THE TOPFIVE WEB SITE
Who knows what will be on it by the time you make it there, but this takeoff of Letterman's Top Ten Lists publishes a new TOP FIVE every day. Submitted by people all over the world, only the best top five make it. When I saw it, one of the Top Five worst names for a Street Gang: "The Tinky Winkys".

VIVE LA DIFFERENCE!
I found a few culturally enriching sites for you to visit, starting with the Louvre art museum in Paris, France. This famous museum houses the Mona Lisa and thousands of other classic creations - the web site has images, visitor information, and a virtual tour of the collection. It's the next best thing to being there.

ROLLER COASTERS ARE THE BEST MEDICINE!
Thrill me, baby! I don't want you to think I spend a lot of time studying roller coasters, but the new magnetic linear induction motors on Japan's new Mad Cobra 'coaster breaks the reverse g-force barrier using dynamic force fields to smooth the turbulence. Hey, I know some stuff.

TV LISTINGS
Did the cat soak your Sunday paper this week? No problem, create your own TV listings at this site. Show your local channels, then search, view or organize the listings in different ways. Look what I found:
"The Linky & Dinky Show"
Sun, Dec 27 - 11:35pm
HBO - 30 min (CC) Crude Language, Violence
We're famous!!

WE'RE GOING TO MISS HIS THUMB
Goodbye to Gene Siskel, a long time favorite we didn't fully appreciate until after he was gone. Here's the official "Siskel And Ebert" web site, and I'm sure Roger will raise his other thumb in a tributory salute to his missing partner, Gene. (Gene was the taller one).

WORLD CABLE TV
Attention, satellite viewers! Links to 30 or so sites with TV schedules from all over the world. For those with "the dish that grants the wish".

A PUZZLING PASTIME
Puzzles on the web. Not crosswords, not CrazyGrams nor Jumble Puzzles, but old-fashioned re-arrange-the-pieces-to-complete-the-photograph puzzles. And some very cool pictures to work with, including Buffy the Vampire you-know-what.

NO MORE DUMB JOKES
Only smart ones, or at least another smart web site. "Jester" uses Amazon.com technology to recommend jokes -- just rate a bunch of jokes and it will pick others it thinks you'll enjoy, based on the ones you liked (or didn't like). So if the jokes bomb, is it a "smart bomb"?

TAKE A RIDE ON A GLACIER
For a short time only, there are STILL places on the planet that aren't packed with people. View beautiful short film clips of spectacular locations around the globe. After viewing the movie clips, try some of the activities and fun "science" experiments. Great for big kids too.

FEELING SNOOTY?
Does an evening at the opera strike your fancy? How about a film? (I call 'em "movies"). This site can help you locate cultural events by date across the US, including museums, dance and more. Just write back and tell me, was it better than "Cats?"

TOO MUCH EDUCATIONAL TV...
...is bad for a person - it's been scientifically proven. So, sometimes I like to play the odd computer game. Maybe, on occasion, I'll spend HOURS in my room, pumping the paddles of my SuperPlayTendoStationMaster 256 !! I LOVE 'EM! Anyway, check this site out for some great games (be nice to the Keepers of Upgrades - some need Java or Shockwave to run). Lots of classics (like PacMan and Frogger) and plenty of new ones too, all FREE. I challenge anyone to waste more time than me on SuperTris!

NET SLAVES
Oh, that Dilbert! He's such a funny little guy, and he reminds me a little of Uncle Url. Dilbert is just a cartoon (and a not-quite-prime-time TV series); the "Net Slaves" site has stories from the REAL WORLD - the day-to-day horror of life as a programmer, forced to create bad software for people that won't know better, by bosses without a clue. Make sure to read this at work, you'll feel better about *your* job.

CONCERT SEARCH ENGINE
If the opera or ballet doesn't do much for you, you can find any concert you want at this site. Search by date, location or performer and find out who, when and where. Let's see, if it's Wednesday and this is Las Vegas, you must be... Wayne Newton!

FUN MEANS HOT WHEELS!
Once I unwrapped the new Hot Wheels speed racer I got for Christmas (thanks Uncle Url!), I couldn't wait to bash it around the track. But for all my brother and sister racing fans out there, we can bang 'em up and bash 'em up at the Hot Wheels Online Racing site. You'll have to download the Shockwave plug in first, but it's easy, and you'll need SchockWave *many* times in the future as more and more web sites pack punch into their pages with live action Shockwave treatment. Yes, there's a plug-in for AOL too.

DOONESBURY ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
I never would have made it thru adolesence without Doonesbury. I used Doonesbury clippings as bookmarks in my copy of "Catcher in the Rye". But the Doonesbury world on the web explodes with attitude, and burns with blisteringly hot satire. More than a Zip disk full!

DILBERT CAN BEAT UP DOONESBURY
Doonesbury is so yesterday, Linky. Dilbert is our man for Yucks2K. I'm tracking the countdown for the Dillenium even as we speak.

I WANT MY MUSIC VIDEOS... AT WORK!
MTV and VH1 beware -- Rolling Stone is now posting -- FREE! -- every new music video to come along. Full length, full motion, old and new.

STAR WARS AT HOME
Did someone you know pay $8.00 to see "Babe - A Pig in the City" JUST to see the trailer for the upcoming Star Wars flick? Why not charge them to watch it on your new multimedia computer instead! You can by checking out the RealAudio site, downloading their browser plug-in (it's pretty automatic) and clicking the Star Wars logo. Be warned that the quality will depend on the speed of your modem -- a 28.8 is a bare minimum. You can also click here to go directly to the movie site, if you already have the plug-in.